stupidity

ladies don't fall into the trap I almost did recently, it was my own trap I almost made a huge mistake my ex and I have been divorced since 2007 but together until august 18th 2010 I kept takign him back becase I thought I loved him, and even up until 2 weeks I still wanted to be with him not becase of love but becase of convience. I just hate being alone, I do not do well at night alone, also there are alot of things I have never done for example check the oil in my car, or mowed the grass, or fixed thigns that are broken. A man is a good thing to have around. So I figured he was better than nothing. He said he still wanted to be with me, but.... never made the effort to BE with he is living 80 miles away with his parents, I kept asking are you comming back to live with me or am I comming there to live with you? he always had some excuse to make it not happen. So I got a brain and said it has been over a year you need to decide now what you are doing. I thank God again that he never answered that question was just silent to it all, so I said ok then I guess you made your decision. We will not be together.
I sit in my living chair alone and think back to the verbal and physical abuse, the money he cost me the affair he had , the drinking and driving and the stealing money and think why on earth would I want that all over again??? I am soooo thankful to him for not answering my question, I will never ever be in that situationa again. in the last 3 days I have totally wised up and now know how stupid I have acted wanting to get with him again.
ladies listen to your head not your heart.

Flustered

well I am doing physical therapy for my hip bursitis and man it is hard! I have days that I can't do anything but the last 4 days have been really good.my pain has been minimal, vry happy about that. Ihave been off worki since July 18th disability has been fooling around since that time wanting more and more information to delay paying me has been really hard paying the bills but I am surviving. If I don't hear soemthing soon I am just going to have to go to back to work ealier than the Dr would like me to. Not the end of the world.
My son has noved into his own apartmet in a disabled high rise he seems to be doing good, and he likes it. it is alot quietier here, my daughter moved into his space inthe basement, to spend more time with her daughter. That is a challenge to though as she is bi polar and has severe ADHD, But I luckily know how to handle it.
I am so glad to be done with the abuse I suffered at the hand of my ex-husband. I am so used to his drama that osmetimes I don't know what to do with the quiet but I so like it more than being abused.
I finally got rid of him for good a couple of days ago. Not htat we were together but I took his cell phone off my account that way I have no connection to him. I hope IF and when I find someone who looves for me I pick a better kind of person, not sure what attracted me I did not know about his felonies, or abuse until a little while into our relationship, if I would have known I might have made a better decision.
He got into a lot of trouble while we were together a hit and run with my new van then deyign he did, breaking parloe, domestic violence twice, driving with a suspended license twice I always had tickets parole fees, and court fines to pay for him becase he didn't work. When I think back there were signs but I ignored them, he would yell at me or say things to me that weren't nice make me cry, but he would say he was sorry and I would forget baout it. About a year into our marriage it started getting worse in a verbal way and then he would never sya he was sorry becase if I wouldn't have opend my mouth it wouldn't have happened. in 05 was the first time I remmeber it getting physical we were arguing and he pushed me up against the wall very hard I so wanted to call the police but thought better of it, I should have left him then but was too afraif og being alone. So I stayed. I thnak God that it nevr got more than a push alot of women get the hell beat out them he was never that bad. but a push up against a wall and a kitchen counter was bad enough.
more to come.
God bless you!

Well I got my childcare figured out just in time to be put off work, I am off till october 3rd so far, The surgeon said my pain has nothign to do with my back it's all my hip which is what the 1st surgeon said. He is sending me to rehab for 4 weeks 3 times a week, says that should take my pain away. The pain dr should have never doen anything to my back and that will be in almost unbearable pain until the nerve grows back which will take up to 10 months. At least I know the problem. Right now I am having some financial problems, which I am sure is true of most people, I may not be getting paid for being off which is a bummer I have paid for the insurance out of my check for the last 3 1/2 years but what can ya do. I have been posing for things to sell on ebay and facebook, I have been taking bottles back to the store, I have not spent any money on clothes or out to eat in the last 3 weeks, and wil continue that.
I am hoping to get writing more about my domestic viloence experiences, it isn't nearly as abd as some woman have experienced, but it is still something that should have never happened. I think back to my experiences and think how stupid I was to stay with a man who treated me bad.
I worked all the time I was with him mostly full time with a secodn part time job, he only worked for the first 2 years we were together. I was paying all the bills, the rent, buying the food, paying the car payment and insurance, etc. He did make dinner most nights, he did laundry and for the most part kept my house clean, and looked after my grand daughter wile I was at work. I thought well I am out working he is doing his part. The things I remember most are I always had money missing from my purse never alot but noticeable.I never gave him money but he always had beer, or alcohol to drink I did stupidley buy him some but not like he was drinking, I was so nieve in the beginning I didnt put 2 and 2 together.
I just hated it when he drank 9 out of 10 times he drank until he was drunk, we would always always with each other my children hated it, even as adults they hated it. He would call me horrible names in front of them, he would make threats to harm me. I would get to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and throw him out, sometimes he would go to his parents peacefully other times he would make me have to call police, or move myself to another place which I had to do often I have been in a different house every year since 2006 becasuse of him. I got so sick of it. He would be at his parents and I would want him back. He always said he wouldnt argue and callme names anymore but he always did. I just kept believing him. Finally we seperated for good august 2010. of course I had to be the one to move again. He refused and after Ihad most of the furniture, kitchen stuff abthroom stuff food etc moved out he called his parents and that is where he is now.
I sometimes want him back(how bad is that?) I dont know if it is because I love him, Dont like being alone, or need someone around to help me out, maybee all 3. He always has some kind of excuse he doesn't want ot live in Monroe, he has a sunt to take care of. He wants me to move closer to him and I even condidered it looked at apts and jobs near him just recently. Then we get to texting or talking and he says soemthing that makes me think I really am stupid for wanting to be with him and I am so glad that it hasn't happened. I jsut dont know what I would do to be living with violence again.
I have a small house but it's cute. Huge backyard grand duaghter has a pool, and sandbox, it is a nice neighborhood. Even though my 2 adult children and I have our differences and we dont get along 100% of the time it is still 100% better than having my life threatened, and being called bad names.
anyone in my situation or worse please justs get out! you may think well I dont have a place to live, no job, no education, believe me it will work out!
more to come

vacation/pain

I took my grand daughter and daughter up north to Houghton Lake we had a really good time. My grand daughter had a blast!  she went on a giant water slide, carnival rides, we went on a pontoon boat she swam in the lake, rode on a tube pulled by the boat, we went putt putt golfing, and rode back in the woods looking for deer which we never found, she loved it! I couldn't do much as my hip and leg were hurting very badley I have had a hip problem since I was 10 but it has gotten much worse since I turned 40-The hazords of getting older. I have been to a Dr to get cortisone injections had 2 neither of them worked. I got refered to a pain Dr. he gave me pain meds, did a pain block, and burned the nerve in my lower back going to my right hip. None of those worked, so now i am being referred to a spine surgeon which I go see the 26th 2011. No idea what he will say. Today I have lots of xrays, next week another Mri (had one a month ago) and a total body bone scan. Funny I hardley ever went to the Dr never took medication but now sometimes the pain is so bad I can't move, which doesn't serve me well in taking care of my grand daughter, but we manage. We are hoping to go up north again in late August, as my grown up drand daughter starts kindergarten in September. wow time flies. well thanks for reading! more later.

What Am I gonna do?? A grandma's whoas!!

Well, I am not sure what to do? I get free childcare from the state becase Iam guardian to my grand daughter so I can work. well I received a letter stating the child care is being cut off on JUly 2,2011 I was given a 3 day notice. I tried calling my caseworker reguarding this but she never answers the phone, I leave voice messages she doesn't call me back, I fax her she doesn't answer them. I call again the next day 4 times her voice mail is full so I can't leave a message. So yesterday friday July 1st was my grand daughter's last day of paid care, I can not afford to pay it myself as I had my hours reduced at work.
I found out on thursday that the daycare hasn't been paid for 6 weeks, the owner can not keep providing care for free. I can not work without the provided daycare so I am not sure what I am going to do.
I have always wanted a stay at home job so I can spend more time with my grand daughter but I have never been able to come up with one that will pay my bills, I do not have a significant other to help me out.
any ideas?????
thanks for reading!!!

Domestic violence facts

Domestic violence statistics
•A woman is beaten every 10 to 12 seconds
•More than one woman is raped every minute of every day
•Three to four women are murdered each day by their intimate partner
Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does - and when it does, there is help. Maybe you have lived with abuse, maybe it happened just once; maybe you work or live next to someone who is being abused right now. Whoever you are, In 1994, 1995, and again in 2000, Michigan changed the laws that deal with domestic violence to make it easier for the victims of abuse to get protection through the legal system.
Physical violence is the intentional use of physical force with the potential for causing death, disability, injury, or harm. Physical violence includes, but is not limited to, scratching; pushing; shoving; throwing; grabbing; biting; choking; shaking; slapping; punching; burning; use of a weapon; and use of restraints or one's body, size, or strength against another person.
Sexual violence is divided into three categories: 1) use of physical force to compel a person to engage in a sexual act against his or her will, whether or not the act is completed; 2) attempted or completed sex act involving a person who is unable to understand the nature or condition of the act, to decline participation, or to communicate unwillingness to engage in the sexual act, e.g., because of illness, disability, or the influence of alcohol or other drugs, or because of intimidation or pressure; and 3) abusive
Threats of physical or sexual violence use words, gestures, or weapons to communicate the intent to cause death, disability, injury, or physical harm.
Psychological/emotional violence involves trauma to the victim caused by acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Psychological/emotional abuse can include, but is not limited to, humiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources. It is considered psychological/emotional violence when there has been prior physical or sexual violence or prior threat of physical or sexual violence. In addition, stalking is often included among the types of IPV. Stalking generally refers to "harassing or threatening behavior that an individual engages in repeatedly, such as following a person, appearing at a person's home or place of business, making harassing phone calls, leaving written messages or objects, or vandalizing a person's property" (Tjad

Children may become injured during violent incidents between their parents. A large overlap exists between intimate partner violence and child maltreatment (Appel and Holden 1998).

en & Thoennes 1998).

no longer a victim(domestic Violence)

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and
Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available.
 lasting scars.
I was a victim of domestic violence I wasn't beat up or bruised but I was pushed against counters and thrown against walls I was called many horrible names, told was a rotten person I was, and alot of other names I am too embarrassed to type. I had my life threatened twice. I was never allowed to have a opinion unless it was his opinion, and if I was gone 15 minutes longer than I expected I heard about it for hours.  I was married to my abuser for a little over 6 years, we had been together 10 years. I kept kicking him out of my home, but...I always let him come back he promised not to drink, promised not to argue and call me bad names. He was good for awhile then it started all over again. I kept believing him when he said he wouldn't do it amymore, but they were just empty promises. I divorced him 2007, but let him come back into my home even after that, because starngely I loved him and I thought he loved me too. My grand daughter has always lived with us and now as I think back how rotten I was to let her hear all the bad names he called me. That was bad of me, but then I didn't think of that as I do now.
Finally in Late september 2011 I had enough, he had been calling me names, drinking, I had been finding money missing.(wondered how he kept buying alcohol) we had argued that day, at midnight i went to bed, he had been staying in my garage becase he refused to leave my house (we had a fouton, tv coffee table, his computer, cable, internet and a frige out there he wasnt deprived) i shut the internet off just for a little payback, he got so mad that he started pounding on the back door to my house screaming he was kick the door down and if he couldn't he would break the window out of  the door.(I was scared)  he finally got inside the house without breaking anything, how? I still have no idea,  he took my laptop out to the garage and said if he wasn't getting internet neither was I. I was jsut grateful that he immediately went back out to the garage becase I had a 4 year old to protect.
I left early the next morning took my grand daughter to daycare and realized I needed to get out I called a apt complex I lived in before I could have a apt but it  wouldnt be ready for 3 days, I stayed those three nights at my mothers house, got my apt went back and packed my stuff, he was still there refused to leav. e I had called the people I rented the house from to tell them of the violence they let me out of my lease. he stayed for a week taking advantage.
We are still seperated and we are going to stay that way. I hope another woman doesn't fall for his cuteness and nice talk because it will be good for a couple months then change will change drastically.
thanks for reading!