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Saturday, July 30, 2011

Well I got my childcare figured out just in time to be put off work, I am off till october 3rd so far, The surgeon said my pain has nothign to do with my back it's all my hip which is what the 1st surgeon said. He is sending me to rehab for 4 weeks 3 times a week, says that should take my pain away. The pain dr should have never doen anything to my back and that will be in almost unbearable pain until the nerve grows back which will take up to 10 months. At least I know the problem. Right now I am having some financial problems, which I am sure is true of most people, I may not be getting paid for being off which is a bummer I have paid for the insurance out of my check for the last 3 1/2 years but what can ya do. I have been posing for things to sell on ebay and facebook, I have been taking bottles back to the store, I have not spent any money on clothes or out to eat in the last 3 weeks, and wil continue that.
I am hoping to get writing more about my domestic viloence experiences, it isn't nearly as abd as some woman have experienced, but it is still something that should have never happened. I think back to my experiences and think how stupid I was to stay with a man who treated me bad.
I worked all the time I was with him mostly full time with a secodn part time job, he only worked for the first 2 years we were together. I was paying all the bills, the rent, buying the food, paying the car payment and insurance, etc. He did make dinner most nights, he did laundry and for the most part kept my house clean, and looked after my grand daughter wile I was at work. I thought well I am out working he is doing his part. The things I remember most are I always had money missing from my purse never alot but noticeable.I never gave him money but he always had beer, or alcohol to drink I did stupidley buy him some but not like he was drinking, I was so nieve in the beginning I didnt put 2 and 2 together.
I just hated it when he drank 9 out of 10 times he drank until he was drunk, we would always always with each other my children hated it, even as adults they hated it. He would call me horrible names in front of them, he would make threats to harm me. I would get to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and throw him out, sometimes he would go to his parents peacefully other times he would make me have to call police, or move myself to another place which I had to do often I have been in a different house every year since 2006 becasuse of him. I got so sick of it. He would be at his parents and I would want him back. He always said he wouldnt argue and callme names anymore but he always did. I just kept believing him. Finally we seperated for good august 2010. of course I had to be the one to move again. He refused and after Ihad most of the furniture, kitchen stuff abthroom stuff food etc moved out he called his parents and that is where he is now.
I sometimes want him back(how bad is that?) I dont know if it is because I love him, Dont like being alone, or need someone around to help me out, maybee all 3. He always has some kind of excuse he doesn't want ot live in Monroe, he has a sunt to take care of. He wants me to move closer to him and I even condidered it looked at apts and jobs near him just recently. Then we get to texting or talking and he says soemthing that makes me think I really am stupid for wanting to be with him and I am so glad that it hasn't happened. I jsut dont know what I would do to be living with violence again.
I have a small house but it's cute. Huge backyard grand duaghter has a pool, and sandbox, it is a nice neighborhood. Even though my 2 adult children and I have our differences and we dont get along 100% of the time it is still 100% better than having my life threatened, and being called bad names.
anyone in my situation or worse please justs get out! you may think well I dont have a place to live, no job, no education, believe me it will work out!
more to come

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


I took my grand daughter and daughter up north to Houghton Lake we had a really good time. My grand daughter had a blast!  she went on a giant water slide, carnival rides, we went on a pontoon boat she swam in the lake, rode on a tube pulled by the boat, we went putt putt golfing, and rode back in the woods looking for deer which we never found, she loved it! I couldn't do much as my hip and leg were hurting very badley I have had a hip problem since I was 10 but it has gotten much worse since I turned 40-The hazords of getting older. I have been to a Dr to get cortisone injections had 2 neither of them worked. I got refered to a pain Dr. he gave me pain meds, did a pain block, and burned the nerve in my lower back going to my right hip. None of those worked, so now i am being referred to a spine surgeon which I go see the 26th 2011. No idea what he will say. Today I have lots of xrays, next week another Mri (had one a month ago) and a total body bone scan. Funny I hardley ever went to the Dr never took medication but now sometimes the pain is so bad I can't move, which doesn't serve me well in taking care of my grand daughter, but we manage. We are hoping to go up north again in late August, as my grown up drand daughter starts kindergarten in September. wow time flies. well thanks for reading! more later.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

What Am I gonna do?? A grandma's whoas!!

Well, I am not sure what to do? I get free childcare from the state becase Iam guardian to my grand daughter so I can work. well I received a letter stating the child care is being cut off on JUly 2,2011 I was given a 3 day notice. I tried calling my caseworker reguarding this but she never answers the phone, I leave voice messages she doesn't call me back, I fax her she doesn't answer them. I call again the next day 4 times her voice mail is full so I can't leave a message. So yesterday friday July 1st was my grand daughter's last day of paid care, I can not afford to pay it myself as I had my hours reduced at work.
I found out on thursday that the daycare hasn't been paid for 6 weeks, the owner can not keep providing care for free. I can not work without the provided daycare so I am not sure what I am going to do.
I have always wanted a stay at home job so I can spend more time with my grand daughter but I have never been able to come up with one that will pay my bills, I do not have a significant other to help me out.
any ideas?????
thanks for reading!!!