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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A strangers Kindness

my mother went shopping at wal mart today half way home she discovered she didn't have her purse. She remembered having it in the shopping cart. She  went back to the store of course the purse was gone from the cart, she figured someone saw it and took it.  She started thinking wow all the credit cards, debit card, atm card she had to cancel, what a mess.\She back inside wal mart and asked the lady who was greeting if anyone turned in a purse in the last half hour, the lady said yes a gentlemen brought in inside turned it in said it was in a cart.
She went to the service desk told themher name and they gave her the purse, she was so relieved. when she got into her car she looked inside and everythign was there nothing had been touched.
This just goes to show there are kind people out there.
thank you stranger
well...it's 4:27am I went to bed at 1:30am and got up a 4am my hip and legs are hurting so bad I am not sure what to do. i just couldn't lay any longer. Life is really hard when you are in pain and can't do the things you used to. Don't get me wrong I wasn't what I call a active person, but I could go to the park, shopping, the fair, the zoo, etc. no problem, but now I would have to be pushed in a wheelchair. No way I could just walk around. I love walking while my grand daughter rides her motorcycle, can't do that now. I even find it hard to do housework. I do laundry but I can't brign the baseket of clothes up and down the stairs so I have to rely on someone else to do it, if  I go shopping which is very rare, or go to the dr I have to have someone drive so I don't have to walk from the parking lot to the building, and most times I have to ride a electric cart to shop. Things could always be worse, I could have a life threating illness which thank the good LOrd I don't, But it hard to readjust life to sitting around in my chair most of the day and having others do things for me.
The Dr. is going to losen my bursa in my hip on January 18th he says may lesson or totally take my hip pain, which I am very happy about but...both my legs tingle, ache,and go numb, which is alot of the reason I don't sleep. So I sure hope after the Bursa thst he is going to take care of those problems.  
The worst part is my inusrance from work I get paid 60% of my normal pay,  which isn't  much I live paycheck to paycheck, But I am so thankful I signed up for this benefit. I sometimes go 2 or 3 weeks without a check, which I do not think is right. I call them when I have Dr appt's and tell them I am off until a certain time but my next app't may be sooner than that, and they only put me off through my next app't then need dr notes from that appt to continue paying me, and Dr's don't have notes and etc done that very day to send them so I have to go wihtout a paycheck which put my bills behind. For example I am having surgery on January 18th, 2012 the Dr put me off until February 18th, 2012 that is how much time I need after surgery to mend, well my insurance only have me off until 18th, If i stay to stay a night or 2 int he hospital I can't call them or fax them anything because I won't be able to, the Dr certianly wont have operative notes that day so I am screwed I will be going without a paycheck again for probabley 2 weeks and it just isn't fair.
I also do not understand the welfare system, I can not work right now so I applied for mediciaid, food stamps, and cash, I had to fill out all this paperwork , a letter from my Dr stating I was in physical therapy, and my problem and that I couldn't work wasn't good enough for them. Then after they receive my filled out paperwork they have a meeting to determine if I am diabled in their standards. Well they ended up approving me. Althoguh I only make 896.00 from work disability they only apprived me for food stamps,( a whole 92.00) no cash no mediciaid. How can they deem me disabled and not give me mediicaid? I do notunderstand how people get mediciaid, and hundreds of dollars in food stamps and hundreds of dollars in cash. I know people that don't deserve it, and work under the table and still get it, and people like me really struggling and need it can't get it. The system is very screwed up in my opinion.
well I am going to close more to come

Thursday, December 15, 2011

new family member

Well I did end up getting a new member of the family a dog named Sonny he is 18 months old bassitt hound/beagle mix white and brown he is apprx 50 pounds he is really bigger than the picture I saw and was at first a little reluctant to get him becase my house is small, but he is so darn cute! I bought him a plush ball today he had a great time with my grand daughter playing fetch in the back yard. He loves to run, but he sniffs and sniffs and often takes breaks to sniff everything. He mostly just lays on my grand daughters bed as I got him from the humane society and from 530pm to 830am he was ina cage not very big, and all he had to do was lay.
Left him alone for about a hour and a half today he had goten into my grand duaghter's sidewalk chalk couldn't have tasted very good, it was all over th ekitcvhen floor and he likes to carry her dolls from one room to another gonna have to break him of that hopefully the chew toy I bought him will curve him of that.
When the weather is nicer he will be great to take on walks and to the park he is great on a leash.
he really likes Makayla follows her aorund the house, licks her face. Seems like a good dog so far. I havenot heard him bark yet he has been here 2 days. He isn't a watch dog but he will be a great companion for all of us.
more to come thanks for reading!

Monday, December 12, 2011

life in general

I sold a few more small things on ebay but I think when these things are done that I have listed now I will take a break Christams comming up and I went to the orthopedic dr today I have to have surgery on my hip--January 18th 2012 He is going to loosen the bursa in my hip if I have any muscle tears he will repair those at the same time. I will have to wear a brace for 8 weeks but hopefully this will be the end of  it he says it's the end of the road if this doesn't help there is really nothing else he can do for me.
I am thinkign about getting a dog I am thinking my grand daughter would really like a dog I found one I like a beagle mix he is very sweet(sonny). I was looking for a smaller dog which I also saw but when I got to looking at him all I could see is him falling and breakign a leg they were so tiny. Then all I could see was big vet bills. I hsve the yard for a dog and my grand daughter needs to get outside more I thought this would be a good way to do it. I will decide in the next couple days.
I got rid of my full size bed I never sleep in it anyways, I am going to get a twin bed but a bin of toys and my grand daughter princess tent that way she will have another space to play in but I can also go there to get away by myself. Sometimes between my 24 year old daughter acting like a 10 year old and my 5 year old grand duaghter acting like a 12 year old they someitmes get along like sisters instead of mother and daughter and it sometimes drives me crazy! So a place to hid away and cross stitch or watch a movie is ideal.
In march I am redoing my kitchen not doign alot since I live in a rental but i want a little color right now its just white walls with some red accent pieces and I am very tired of the red. On ebay I found some orange yellow and white shelf paper I bought I am using for the built in shelves, my mother and I are going shopping soon for yellow orange and black fabric for new chair pads and valances. I found orange yellow and white dinner plates and bowls really inexpensive.
After the kitchen and bedroom are done I am going to have a yard sale get rid of many things I do not need. My house is very small and it just creates big clutter which I hate.
well signign off more to come

Sunday, December 4, 2011

great ebay items bought and sold

I have doen pretty good on ebay the last couple of months I sold a few pieces of my grand daughters clothes, a mickey back pack(1.99), a mickey club house, some avon products, girls snow boots(3.99), 3 kids books(2.25), a purse(5.99), i made around 250.00 i bought myself a purse, a barbie, a squeaky house, a plush diego, boots, and swiper, dora and boots figurines, a coat for my daughter and her boyfriend, 4 pair of new socks,  2 pair of gloves, new sand box toys, squeakies and some other things. Got over 3.4 of my Christmas shopping done. I am so happy because I would never have had the money otherwise.
My mickey mouse clubhouse sold for 42.00 with 10.99 shipping had no accessories and missing a part. I was so happy about that.
I now have soem handmade scarves, a kids salon head, some books, some clothes and some other things on there with a watcher on a xbox game.
It gets rid of things I no longer need and I make a little money too.
Going to do alot of yard sales this spring and summer and sell on ebay this make be a way to make a little extra money I am hoping it keeps up.
Dont charge a whole lot but don't want to lose on shipping which I have done a couple times, and want to make a little profit. I get free boxes for shipping, and the dollar store has tape and 2/1.00 bubble envelopes, dont want to spend alot of supplies of you dont have to.
more to come

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Grand daughter's broken heart

I feel so bad for my 5 year old grand daughter she has cried for her grandpa(my ex) all day today-she begged me to drive to Jackson so she can see him, then she took my hand and squeezed it and said you promise we can go see grandpa in 2 days? I didn't know what to say-finally I said honey I don't know why grandpa is not talkign to us, I have called him and left voice messages, I have left him messages on the computer I don't know.  (She even left 2 voice messages for him he ignored those too.) That answer just made her cry-she asked my daughter to worte a letter to grandpa exactly what she said ans my grnad duaghter signed it, she brought it to me in a envelope  and said put grandpa's address on it then he has to answer me. I told her I would send it for her.
She came to me a hour later and said I don't know hwy granda isn't calling I know he doesn't always like you grandma but he loves me. maybee the police have his phone I said why would they? she said cause maybee he did soemthign and is in jail, then she said well maybee he went to Florida again like before? (he spent the winter there last year with his parents) I said I do not think he is in jail and his daddy has been sick so I do not htink he is in Florida either. She said then I gotta find out what's wrong with him then came and gav eme a big hug and said I love grandpa so so so much. I siad  know you do sweetie.
It makes me tear up jsut typing this-why would a guy hurt a 5 year old that he claims to love she isn't his biological grand daughter but he always acted like her granpa before, and she worships the ground he walks on. 
He hasn't spoken to me or her in a apprx 2 weeks and she is going nuts. I just don't know what to do for her there is always soemthign that reminds her of him. I don't know why he has been ignoring me, I can take it or leave it even though soemthing inme still loves him, but my grand daughter can not take it or leave it--she has been upset for 2 days.
He has treated me bad in many many ways and of  course I am always the bad one. I am the oe who is heartless which I nevr understood becase I never had a affair on him, I always loved him, but I could never do anythign right. But...he always told everyone that he loves Makayla she is his buddy. Why would he hurt her. I telol myself and my daughter she will get over him, I have tried to take all the pics of him out of view, and off a old phone she uses, and when she mentions him I try to change the subject but half the time it doesn't work, she loves himand wants answers.
I am hopign he reads this, and soemwhere in his heart realizes how bad she is hurting, and how wrong it is to upset a 5 year old who loves him more than anything. I don't know if it will amke a difference or not. But I am hoping he will let me know if he still wants to be her grandpa or not.
He treats his neices that he only saw once a year for 10 year better than her and it jsut isn't fair for her to be hurting. 
I jsut needed to vent, for me and for Makayla
more to come

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

rearranging 11/29/2011

it has been raining alot last night and today and suppose to rain all tomorrow too--my basement is unfinished it gets water around the edges have lots of towels down have to wrong them out and dry then every day during the rain,
My daughter lives down there becase it is a big space, I only have a 2 bedroom house, I have offered her my bedroom, I sleep on the couch becase with my hip I only sleep 2 hours at a time. She wants the big basement so I am giving my grand daughter my room for a playroom. She has the big bedroom but with her  computer and bed and bins upon bins upon bins of toys and barbies she just doesnt hav enough room. She has toys in her mom's basement room I jsut don't want her down there anymore. So that is my weekend project hopefully. getting rid of my bed and crafts things and moving her bins of toys and her wood shelf of dvd's into the other room.
also she is going to ride in the Ida, Michigan parade on a  float on saturday so it will be a busy weekend.
I did sell 6 more thigns on ebay not alot put I make a little money and I get rid of thing sI no longer need, going to save everything and have a yard sale this spring hopefully it will do better than my last one did.
I am haivng another pain injection this friday, I have had 5 already but this new Orthopedic Dr thinks I need another one, he found a partial tear in the muscle of my bursa in my hip if the injection doesn't work he will have to go in and repair the tear. oh well another drama in my life.
well signing off more to come

Saturday, November 26, 2011

stupidity..

it's 11/26 I got the Christmas tree up took awhile we left the lights on the tree last year and they were tangled awful, but it looks very nice got most of the presents under the tree. My grand daughte ris so excited about all the gifts. I have a small gift to get my step dad and my grand daughter that lives in florida, and one thing left for my son which I have no idea what, but I will figure somethign out.
This is the 2nd Christmas I won't have my ex with us. Which I believe is a good thing for me, but my grand daughter will be very hurt. He has been so nice the last couple months until the last 2 weeks I don't know what happened, he just stopped talking to me, and stopped texting. I finally was tired of his games and shut his phone off. My grand daughter has mentioned his name a few times in the last 2 weeks, she knows I bought him a present from her she even helped wrap it up and I know the closer to Christmas she will remember about it, and ask where he is, is he comming to her house. I feel really bad for her she loves himso much and she's only 5 she just doesn't understand these things. I wish I wouldn't have let him come down to visit, makes her so happy when he is here, but when he does things like this and just doesn't call her, or come to see her, or even act like she exist for no reason and hurt her on purpose I think geeze she would be way over him by now. I am stupid sometimes.  
I go to the Dr at St Joes on monday he gav eme a cane last time I went I still am not ised to using it yet.  I have no idea what he is going to do. I know my hip still hurts like crazy. Still keeps me up at night, I sleep on and off.
Money has been real bad since I been off. I am so afraid of going back to work becase as sosn as I do I lose my health insurance, and if I end up not being able to work becase of my hip I will be in real trouble wihtout insurance. Not sure if I am going to have to look for a job wiht more hours or not to have insurance or not, afraif of that too because if I can't do a ward clerk job not sure what I am going to be bale to do. We will see monday I guess.
well more to come

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

a few good moments

Well it's 12:26am on wednesday tomorrow is Thanksgiving just having myself, my daughter, son, and grand daughter for dinner but it will be a good meal I thank vry much my unit manager and charge nurse for the turkey and all the trimmings or I wouldn't have had a dinner.
I did very well selling on ebay the last 2 months. My grandaughter cleaned out some toys she no longer plays with I sold some of that those, 2 of her kids pures, I sold my old diamond wedding ring didn't need those bad memories anymore, I sold some clothing, some avon perfume, now I have one of her toys sold and 3 other items being watched. I was able to buy half of my granddaughters Christmas gifts, a gift card for my son, and 2 gifts for my daughter from the money I made so I did pretty good. In th espring I will be doing alot of yard selling and reselling on ebay.
I am also gonna give it a try making diaper cakes and gift baskets this weekend. See if they sell if so I will continue making them hopefully make some bill money. I need somehting I can do from home with my hips the way they are. I am still hoping to one day open a second hand shop we have a few in my area but htey aren't vvery good, the one good we had just closed. I wan tto learn to refurbish furniture to sell in the shop I have a big backyard i can paint and do repairs and as soon as I get my son's boxes out of hte basement I will have a whole storage room for things.
 I was able to buy my daughter a Big Time Rush ticket for Christmas, the concert isnt until February 2012 but she is very excited to go.
Had a little get together for my son last week, his 23rd birthday just ice cream and cake. He wanted a red velvet cake so I made one, He made a few bucks, plus a gift card so it was a good day.
Iam getting very excited to decorate for Christmas I love all the lights and the decorated tree, hoping this sat to ge the tree up.
I went to the Dr this last monday he gave me ascript for a cane I got a bright pink one with roses all over it kinda purdy
So we have had a pretty good week if my diaper cake and gift baskets turn out the week will be a huge success.
more to come.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Domestic violence is a sometimes fatal-always frightening criminal act. One which we've become all to familier wiht, yet one which our society wishes would go away.
A vistum of domestic violence lives in fear for her life and in most cases, the lives of her children.
In addition to fer, a victunm of domestic violence experiences feelings of isolation, embarrassment, confusion,
and helplessness. While there aren't any easy answers, quick fixes, or immediate solutions, there is help. No on— A bipartisan package of bills designed to help crack down on domestic violence and habitual offenders was recently introduced in the Michigan Senate, said sponsor Sen. Rick Jones.

Under current law, it is nearly impossible to send an individual who is a habitual offender to prison unless a more serious offense is involved.

       Measures in the “Domestic Violence Awareness Package” would:
  • Enhance penalties for conviction of a second or third domestic violence offense by allowing prosecutors to use a prior deferred offense against the perpetrator;
  • Increase the penalty for a third conviction of domestic violence from the current two-year felony to a five-year felony; and
  • Amend the sentencing guidelines for a third conviction of domestic violence to make prison time more likely for habitual offenders
  • .By working together, we can show the cowards who abuse their spouses that their behavior is not tolerated in Michigan,” said Jones, R-Grand Ledge. “This legislation targets habitual offenders and will provide further protection for victims of domestic violence.”

     

Flowers to Forgive


She's got flowers!
It wasn't her birthday or any other special day.
They had the...ir first fight, and he said many cruel things that really hurt her.
She knows that he is sorry and that he would not say those things again, because he sent her flowers.

She received flowers again!
It was not for their anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he pushed her against a wall and started to choke her.
It seemed like a nightmare, she couldn't believe it was real.
When she woke the next morning her body was painful and bruised.
She She received flowers again!
It was not for their anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he pushed her against a wall and started to choke her.
It seemed like a nightmare, she couldn't believe it was real.
When she woke the next morning her body was painful and bruised.
She knows that he must be sorry, because he sent her flowers to forgiveknows that he must be sorry, because he sent her flowerAnd this was not mother's day or any other special day.
Once again, he has beaten her, it was much more violent than other times.
If she leaves, what would she do?
How would she care for her children?
And financial problems?
She is afraid of him, but is scared to go.
And she knows that he must be sorry because, as usual, he sent her flowers to forgive.

Today, was a very special day!
She have received piles of bouquets of flowers from all those who knew her and who loved her!
It was her funeral.
Last night, he finally killed her. He beat her to death.
If only She had found enough courage to leave,
She would have not received so many flowers today!
This is a story from a domestic violence page--tells it like it is.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

breaking free...

... that it is time to finally forgive yourself. You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about.
I came accross this quote and it says alot. when we are talking about abuse most women stay with their abusers and keep the wonds open, they carry lots of guilt and shame inside thinking it is their fault that they caused their spouse/significant other to abuse them that they deserve it. If your like me I never had anyone to my home except my mother and step dad, becase I was afraid of what would happen. Would I say or do somethig to piss my husband off would he push me or verbally degrade me in front of friends. It would be totally embarrassing. I carried guilt and shame for years and years. He never hit me in the face or anywhere visable, smacking and punching wasnt his style, he usually pushed me up against walls, or kitchen counters or tables. If it left a mark wouldn't be on my face. Most of his abuse was verbal as I have staed before, and I think being degrated, being told what a lousey rotten person I was, how I was  just a bitch and how I didn't deserve him to be with me,  He used to say even my own children hated me. It takes a toll on the brain. I felt I wasn't good enough for him at times, All the abuse made me feel like I didn't deserve anyone, didn't deserve his love, But he deserved for me to make sure he had clothes, shoes, internet and anything else he wanted and needed.  I spent LOTS of money on him in 10 years. Not only that but I found money missing all the time, from my purse and my hiding spot. Funny he always found the spot I hid money guess I wasn't good at hiding it, and the fact thta I HAD to hide it, you would think that would have spark my brain cells this isn't right that I am hiding money. I never saw him steal money but he always had alcohol and beer to drink and I didn't buy it. he only had a job during the first 2 years of our 10 years together, so he didn't regularly have money. His parents who have lots of money would never help us out to pay a bill, or keep us off the streets, so I can't imagine they gae him money for booze.
The 17 year old girl i spoke of in a previous blog told my daughter that his parents set him up a bank account with money every month becase he told them I didnt give him survival money. That may be true, I don't know, but if it is, I know that makes him even a worse human being becase there were many times too many to count, that my mother would give us money for food, and rent and a utility bill, I would go to the food closet evry thursday, I would sit around and cry and worry that I couldn't pay bills, I had 2 vehicles repossed for non payment and if he had a bank account and used it in booze and beer instead of helping us survive that really isn't someone that we as women need to be around.
I think of these things now when I see a quote(above) I wish I would have realized it alot sooner than I did. Even to this day the man has some kid of hold on me, he has come visit my grand daughter at my home a few times he loves her and she loves him. She is 5 and always asks where is grandpa? when is he comming to visit? pleae call grandpa I need to talk to him. So I figure if he is here visiting it is ok, and when he is here sometimes I think I really want to be with him, I want to move closer to Jackson where he is living with his parents, I even went as far as looking at apartments online in Jackson  and emailing them  just 2 weeks ago.
Today is saturday the 19th and just tuesday I asked him when he was commingback down to visit he had to cut his last visit short, he had mentioned he could come down wednesday, he said he wasn't sure I said well you said wed that's tomorrow. He said I good night. I really didn't understand that he stopped talking to me that night tues 4 days ago 8pm, my grand daughter has been wanting me to call him, so I have tried several times all 4 days, I have left his facebook messages, I have left him text messages and he just doesn't answer.
So what do I tell her? grandpa doesn't love or care about her anymore? I dont want to hurt her anymore than she already is, he has done this before to her and it is totally wrong,
I now 11 years later,(been apart since aug 2010) have to use my brain and not my heart and finally be at peace that he really doesn't care about about me or MY grand daughter and he is never going to change. He is always going to put himself first, he is always going to drink booze from 10:30am to 11pm and act liek a idiot and argue with me, he is always going to not like things I say, or allow me to have my opinion. It happens when he visits, how I can still love someone like that I am not sure. I am really not sure if it is love I feel, or is it just that I hate not having without someone to love me and be with me? But...I now know his true feelings for me and me and my grand daughter when he doesn't answer his phone to me in 4 days. His phone is on my account, I need to just take it off my account and have no connections to him whatsoever. My grand daughter will hurt for awhile but she will grow out of it, not havign a grandpa. I would rather her not be hurt by him all the time. So as soon as I close his phone i off my account and  will start living life as I should have been the last 11 years. for me and my grand daughter lively, and to the fullest not being afraid, or walking on egg shells. I won't have movign to Jackson or a significant other to look forward to but I realize I have much more. I have 2 children and a grand daughter that love me and a grandaughter to raise. I have the love of Jesus. I struggle to pay bills everyday, I sometimes wonder how the rent is getting paid and where will we go if it doesn't, But.......much better worries than wondering if I am going to get pushed around, if I am going to say the wrong things and have a 2 hours degrading session in front of my children and grand daughter. wondeirng what girl my husband is seeing today, wondering how much he is drinking while I am working. Those days are totally gone for me. Women please don't wait as long as I hve to totally break free. Get out the first oppertunity you can, It will be easier for you and your children
more to come

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Life....

well it's November 17th my youngest child my son's 23rd birthday today, having ice cream and cake for him at my house, no biggie but it's something.
I went to a new Dr. monday a orthopedic a St. Joes in Ann Arbor, he was very nice. He thinks I may have a muscle tear in my hip, I go back on the 28th. He wanted me to use a cane so I went and got one today bright pink with roses all over it. My hip has been hurting alot lately I laid down at 10:30pm which is very early for me, and I am up at 1:58am I just couldn't lay anymore, whole leg was hurting. It is going to be a very long day.
We received a letter yesterday that my daughter got turned down for SSI I can't believe it, she needs it so bad for survival. She just has a hard time in life.I called a SSI lawyer that don't except your money unless you win. hopefully things will get moving soon.
I wish my disability insurance through work didn't screw around wiht me so much, sometimes they make me wait three weeks for a check, I get back paid but it's hard waiting that long for money.
I have been doing pretty good selling things on ebay in the last month I have sold, a Bratz doll, a kids Dora purse, a kids Hannah montana purse, 2 jars of avon anew cream, a cross stitch kit, a pair of girls shoes, 2 bottles of avon purfume, and right now I have a mcikey mouse clubhouse I currently have a big bid on. I was able to do alot of Christmas shopping with the money I made. I also do mypoints I save up my points all year to get a gift card for Christmas. I just purchased one for my son to put in his christmas stocking 25.00 not much but it free.
I wish I had the money to do after Thanksgiivving shopping, but I don't. There really isnt a whole lot i need I have my mother, step dad, and grand daughter done, I have my son almost done just money in a card to go. I just have to work on my daughter. not much time left. 
hoping to figure out how to put some picks on here- I have a etsy shop brendavr.etsy.com everyone can check that out.
going to sign off hoping to get some more sleep have a great day.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My life is becomming a disaster

well, life is becomming very sad for me lately, I have a Dr appt tomorrow everytime I go I have to pay $55.00 that I do not have, $35.00 for my co-pay and $20 bucks for the Dr to fill out a paper for work, hopefully I won't have more than 1 $20 per page. Money is getting very tight for me lately, I know others have the same problem, so I complain and others and are in the same situation, I am sorry for that. I wish we all had enoguh to pay rent, utilites, cars, inusrance, etc and not have to struggle. I do not even have a credit card or loan other than my car payment, and I am still having a hard time. I was getting child support but I didn't get it today hummmmmmm.
My daughter has a appointment with a SSI examiner I am so hoping she approved. with her ADHD, and bi-polar she has a hard time keeping job she has had several jobs she just can not keep them very long.  She has given it a few years before hse applied, we didn't want to take advantage of the system.
My son is still doing good in his own apt I am happy about that.
Iam not doing very good with my etsy web site have only sold 1 thing since I opened it and that was this time last year Iam really thinking it's not worth it to keep it open. I also have not been doign good with my AVON. I do not have the ambition to pass out business cards or books I haven't advertised much. I only had 2 orders last campaign one my mother and one a regular customer I owed my mother the amount of her avon and the regular customer had a credit so I ended up paying the whole thing so I did not make any money on it. So Iam thinking it is not worth it to keep it anymore either. I have to pay for books etc and not making a profit I end up losing money.
My last day of therapy tomorrow I do think it has helped a little but not enough to make a big difference. I did make my therapist and his assistant soem chocolats chips cookies, I will miss them.
well thats it for now.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Ho Hum

well It's 12:49am on a saturday and I am not a bit tired. Haven't done much today, guess I am getting used to going to bed after 2am only getting about 3 hours of sleep at night. I am still off work because of my hips, It isn't  a bad thing  just a little boring, I also smoke way to much sitting at home I am afraid if I go back to work I won't have health insurance becase of my hours being cut, my hip giving out and me not being able to work, I would have to be home without being paid by work disability. It is tough I dont make as much being on disability as I do working but...it isn't that much different.  I have some things facebook's yardsellr, and on ebay hoping I sell 2 or 3 of them I sold quite a few things about a month ago and was able to buy my grand daughter and daughter some things for Christmas, I have 2 Christmas layaways one for my grand daughter and one for my son so Iam gettign there.
My son seems to be doing pretty well living in his own apartment just hasn't found the cleaning nack yet. My daughter on the other hand is very childlike, she is bi polar, adhd, and has depression. She takes a awful lot of pills everyday(well suppose to everyday) She is very caring but some days are a real challenge for me with her. She has always had problems and I was always able to hadle whatever whatever came along, but as she gets older(now 24) or should I say as I get older it is more difficult. 
I seem to tolerate things alot less. I really try thoough, and most days I succeed, But soem days I just have to get it off my chest, and we end up in a argument.She has a appointment with a SSI Dr. I am hoping she is approved for it would help us out so much. She seems to get jobs but she can't keep them. Her concentration is not very good, she doesn't understand written or oral instruction very well, I really think she tries It is sad sometimes becase she feels so bad when she is let go, Things will get better I am hoping it is soon.  
Well I am getting tired so I will sign off for now. hopefully I will have soem ebay sells to brag about the next post.
God Bless All

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Family, and Me

It is 10:40pm on a sunday night-one week ago my right leg gave out and I fell down the basement stairs I got a huge bruise on my right buttocks, small bruises on my thighs, and both inner arms and some scrapes but thank the good Lord I didn't break anything, and I could have landed on my head or face instead of my backside. I am still off work suppose to go back to the Dr. on October 29th but I can not see myself returning as I still get sharp pains in my right hipk my leg gives out, and I still can not walk very far. I get really bored at home and I sure am tired of being of pain but what can I do?
I did receive some good news took my grand daughter to her Orthopedic Dr at the U of M and he has decided that she does NOT need surgery right now fantastic! it was very unexpected news he says maybee sometime as she gets grows. We will deal with it when the time comes. 
My son moved into a disabled apartment on August 11, 2011 and he seems to be doign very well. Except for the clothes all over, dirty dishes in the sink, and never havign a amde bed. lol. He rides the bus, volunteers 2 days a week at our hopital's lab, and gets groceries, so I can't complain. 
My 24 year old  daughter has moved into the basement space that my son used to occupy and there have been a few problems. She has severe ADHD, Bipolar, and depression. Some days are a real challenge. We argue some days as little things that wouldn't mean anything to you or I seem upset her alot. She will yell, scream, and call names, other times she will cry becase she got her feelings hurt. She talks 100 miles per minute, and is always going from one thing to another, But we are getting through it. I am hoping she gets approved for SSI, very hard for her to keep a job as she is hyper, has very bad memory loss and can not understand verbal or written instructions. I love her though.
The last 2 months I have sold some things on ebay and bought quite a bit for my granddaughter for Christmas. Living on 60% of my normal pay(which wasn't good anyways) I have to count all my pennies so this was a good way to get her Christmas done. I also bought something for my daughter and 1 thing for myself. Has been fun selling thing sI no longer need. I plan this week to put some of my grand daughter's toys on there that she has outgrown, can't wait to see the finale on those.
I stopped sellign AVON for a coupe months was just getting too much, But I decided to pick it back up. I need to learn to advertise more and pass out books. I am also gonna try blogging for payment I like to wrote and I like using the computer since i am off work thoguht it may be a way to earn some extra cash.
well Iam going to sign off for now. Remember ladies to always know the signs of abuse and  get out early before you get hurt.
take care

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

bored and frustrated

Well, I am sitting here in my chair which what I have most of the weekend. My hip is still hurting although not as much as a month ago, but now my good leg and hip are hurting pretty bad I think becase I compensate so much for the right hip and the only position I can lay is on my left side and it starts hurting almost a soon as I lay down. I am so hoping this gets better soon I have been off work sicne 7/18 going to therapy for a month I see some improvement but not much.
I did have some good success on ebay the last 22 weeks, I sold a wedding ring, a couple of younger toys, and a couple avon perfumes. Made enought o buy 4 Christmas gifts for my granddaughter and a few things for myself with money left over. Not bad.
My sweet Makayla starts kindergarten today I can  n ot believe how she has grown up. seems like the last 5 years went by fast.
On October 14th she has another surgery on her feet but thankfully it is only her right foot this time, she will have a cast for 8 weeks going tot he U of M every 2 weeks to have the cast off and another put on, a pain in the rear but gotta do what is best for her. hopign that goes by quick too.
I have blogged about some of my domestic violence situations and I hope it helped even one person. As much as I have discovered I do not not want to be with my ex anymore my grand daughter sure is missing him, she calls out for him sometimes. I told my ex that I have no problem with him comming to viist her he SAID he still wanted to be her grandpa(even when people split up the children shouldn't have to suffer) he was my grand daughter's whole world she worshiped the ground he walked on and he was very good to her. I kept asking him to come see her, he broke 3 ribs in late June and kept saying that he could ride here a hour and 20 minutes to come visit her because of too much pain, but...I find out today from a relative of his that he went to Houghton Lake on thursday which is a 3 hour and 20 minute drive. I do not understand that. I mean why lie to me? if you no longer want to be Makayla's grandpa and come see her just say so so I don't have to keep telling her soon grandpa will come soon to see you. Let the hurt be over with.
As much as I realize that my ex went out of his way to hurt me physically, verbally, a affair and all the other things I truely believed he still loved Makayla. I think this just proved that he does not. I never wanted to keep her grandpa from her, but I am beginning to think it is the best thing for her. she has not seen him since late June and I am thinking that the longer she goes without seeing him she will learn to forget and it won't her so much. I just hate to see and hear her cry for him. Just isn't right what do you all think?? I really thought he loved her but I guess a person who abusers anothr and gets drunk alot may just be uncapable of love. it is very sad.
well ladies make sure you see the signs of abuse before it is too late. My ex was nice and sweet and really played it up for me the first few months we were together I didn't find out until after we were married that he was the way he is.
thanks for reading more later
God Bless!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

stupidity

ladies don't fall into the trap I almost did recently, it was my own trap I almost made a huge mistake my ex and I have been divorced since 2007 but together until august 18th 2010 I kept takign him back becase I thought I loved him, and even up until 2 weeks I still wanted to be with him not becase of love but becase of convience. I just hate being alone, I do not do well at night alone, also there are alot of things I have never done for example check the oil in my car, or mowed the grass, or fixed thigns that are broken. A man is a good thing to have around. So I figured he was better than nothing. He said he still wanted to be with me, but.... never made the effort to BE with he is living 80 miles away with his parents, I kept asking are you comming back to live with me or am I comming there to live with you? he always had some excuse to make it not happen. So I got a brain and said it has been over a year you need to decide now what you are doing. I thank God again that he never answered that question was just silent to it all, so I said ok then I guess you made your decision. We will not be together.
I sit in my living chair alone and think back to the verbal and physical abuse, the money he cost me the affair he had , the drinking and driving and the stealing money and think why on earth would I want that all over again??? I am soooo thankful to him for not answering my question, I will never ever be in that situationa again. in the last 3 days I have totally wised up and now know how stupid I have acted wanting to get with him again.
ladies listen to your head not your heart.

Flustered

well I am doing physical therapy for my hip bursitis and man it is hard! I have days that I can't do anything but the last 4 days have been really good.my pain has been minimal, vry happy about that. Ihave been off worki since July 18th disability has been fooling around since that time wanting more and more information to delay paying me has been really hard paying the bills but I am surviving. If I don't hear soemthing soon I am just going to have to go to back to work ealier than the Dr would like me to. Not the end of the world.
My son has noved into his own apartmet in a disabled high rise he seems to be doing good, and he likes it. it is alot quietier here, my daughter moved into his space inthe basement, to spend more time with her daughter. That is a challenge to though as she is bi polar and has severe ADHD, But I luckily know how to handle it.
I am so glad to be done with the abuse I suffered at the hand of my ex-husband. I am so used to his drama that osmetimes I don't know what to do with the quiet but I so like it more than being abused.
I finally got rid of him for good a couple of days ago. Not htat we were together but I took his cell phone off my account that way I have no connection to him. I hope IF and when I find someone who looves for me I pick a better kind of person, not sure what attracted me I did not know about his felonies, or abuse until a little while into our relationship, if I would have known I might have made a better decision.
He got into a lot of trouble while we were together a hit and run with my new van then deyign he did, breaking parloe, domestic violence twice, driving with a suspended license twice I always had tickets parole fees, and court fines to pay for him becase he didn't work. When I think back there were signs but I ignored them, he would yell at me or say things to me that weren't nice make me cry, but he would say he was sorry and I would forget baout it. About a year into our marriage it started getting worse in a verbal way and then he would never sya he was sorry becase if I wouldn't have opend my mouth it wouldn't have happened. in 05 was the first time I remmeber it getting physical we were arguing and he pushed me up against the wall very hard I so wanted to call the police but thought better of it, I should have left him then but was too afraif og being alone. So I stayed. I thnak God that it nevr got more than a push alot of women get the hell beat out them he was never that bad. but a push up against a wall and a kitchen counter was bad enough.
more to come.
God bless you!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Well I got my childcare figured out just in time to be put off work, I am off till october 3rd so far, The surgeon said my pain has nothign to do with my back it's all my hip which is what the 1st surgeon said. He is sending me to rehab for 4 weeks 3 times a week, says that should take my pain away. The pain dr should have never doen anything to my back and that will be in almost unbearable pain until the nerve grows back which will take up to 10 months. At least I know the problem. Right now I am having some financial problems, which I am sure is true of most people, I may not be getting paid for being off which is a bummer I have paid for the insurance out of my check for the last 3 1/2 years but what can ya do. I have been posing for things to sell on ebay and facebook, I have been taking bottles back to the store, I have not spent any money on clothes or out to eat in the last 3 weeks, and wil continue that.
I am hoping to get writing more about my domestic viloence experiences, it isn't nearly as abd as some woman have experienced, but it is still something that should have never happened. I think back to my experiences and think how stupid I was to stay with a man who treated me bad.
I worked all the time I was with him mostly full time with a secodn part time job, he only worked for the first 2 years we were together. I was paying all the bills, the rent, buying the food, paying the car payment and insurance, etc. He did make dinner most nights, he did laundry and for the most part kept my house clean, and looked after my grand daughter wile I was at work. I thought well I am out working he is doing his part. The things I remember most are I always had money missing from my purse never alot but noticeable.I never gave him money but he always had beer, or alcohol to drink I did stupidley buy him some but not like he was drinking, I was so nieve in the beginning I didnt put 2 and 2 together.
I just hated it when he drank 9 out of 10 times he drank until he was drunk, we would always always with each other my children hated it, even as adults they hated it. He would call me horrible names in front of them, he would make threats to harm me. I would get to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and throw him out, sometimes he would go to his parents peacefully other times he would make me have to call police, or move myself to another place which I had to do often I have been in a different house every year since 2006 becasuse of him. I got so sick of it. He would be at his parents and I would want him back. He always said he wouldnt argue and callme names anymore but he always did. I just kept believing him. Finally we seperated for good august 2010. of course I had to be the one to move again. He refused and after Ihad most of the furniture, kitchen stuff abthroom stuff food etc moved out he called his parents and that is where he is now.
I sometimes want him back(how bad is that?) I dont know if it is because I love him, Dont like being alone, or need someone around to help me out, maybee all 3. He always has some kind of excuse he doesn't want ot live in Monroe, he has a sunt to take care of. He wants me to move closer to him and I even condidered it looked at apts and jobs near him just recently. Then we get to texting or talking and he says soemthing that makes me think I really am stupid for wanting to be with him and I am so glad that it hasn't happened. I jsut dont know what I would do to be living with violence again.
I have a small house but it's cute. Huge backyard grand duaghter has a pool, and sandbox, it is a nice neighborhood. Even though my 2 adult children and I have our differences and we dont get along 100% of the time it is still 100% better than having my life threatened, and being called bad names.
anyone in my situation or worse please justs get out! you may think well I dont have a place to live, no job, no education, believe me it will work out!
more to come

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

vacation/pain

I took my grand daughter and daughter up north to Houghton Lake we had a really good time. My grand daughter had a blast!  she went on a giant water slide, carnival rides, we went on a pontoon boat she swam in the lake, rode on a tube pulled by the boat, we went putt putt golfing, and rode back in the woods looking for deer which we never found, she loved it! I couldn't do much as my hip and leg were hurting very badley I have had a hip problem since I was 10 but it has gotten much worse since I turned 40-The hazords of getting older. I have been to a Dr to get cortisone injections had 2 neither of them worked. I got refered to a pain Dr. he gave me pain meds, did a pain block, and burned the nerve in my lower back going to my right hip. None of those worked, so now i am being referred to a spine surgeon which I go see the 26th 2011. No idea what he will say. Today I have lots of xrays, next week another Mri (had one a month ago) and a total body bone scan. Funny I hardley ever went to the Dr never took medication but now sometimes the pain is so bad I can't move, which doesn't serve me well in taking care of my grand daughter, but we manage. We are hoping to go up north again in late August, as my grown up drand daughter starts kindergarten in September. wow time flies. well thanks for reading! more later.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

What Am I gonna do?? A grandma's whoas!!

Well, I am not sure what to do? I get free childcare from the state becase Iam guardian to my grand daughter so I can work. well I received a letter stating the child care is being cut off on JUly 2,2011 I was given a 3 day notice. I tried calling my caseworker reguarding this but she never answers the phone, I leave voice messages she doesn't call me back, I fax her she doesn't answer them. I call again the next day 4 times her voice mail is full so I can't leave a message. So yesterday friday July 1st was my grand daughter's last day of paid care, I can not afford to pay it myself as I had my hours reduced at work.
I found out on thursday that the daycare hasn't been paid for 6 weeks, the owner can not keep providing care for free. I can not work without the provided daycare so I am not sure what I am going to do.
I have always wanted a stay at home job so I can spend more time with my grand daughter but I have never been able to come up with one that will pay my bills, I do not have a significant other to help me out.
any ideas?????
thanks for reading!!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Domestic violence facts

Domestic violence statistics
•A woman is beaten every 10 to 12 seconds
•More than one woman is raped every minute of every day
•Three to four women are murdered each day by their intimate partner
Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does - and when it does, there is help. Maybe you have lived with abuse, maybe it happened just once; maybe you work or live next to someone who is being abused right now. Whoever you are, In 1994, 1995, and again in 2000, Michigan changed the laws that deal with domestic violence to make it easier for the victims of abuse to get protection through the legal system.
Physical violence is the intentional use of physical force with the potential for causing death, disability, injury, or harm. Physical violence includes, but is not limited to, scratching; pushing; shoving; throwing; grabbing; biting; choking; shaking; slapping; punching; burning; use of a weapon; and use of restraints or one's body, size, or strength against another person.
Sexual violence is divided into three categories: 1) use of physical force to compel a person to engage in a sexual act against his or her will, whether or not the act is completed; 2) attempted or completed sex act involving a person who is unable to understand the nature or condition of the act, to decline participation, or to communicate unwillingness to engage in the sexual act, e.g., because of illness, disability, or the influence of alcohol or other drugs, or because of intimidation or pressure; and 3) abusive
Threats of physical or sexual violence use words, gestures, or weapons to communicate the intent to cause death, disability, injury, or physical harm.
Psychological/emotional violence involves trauma to the victim caused by acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Psychological/emotional abuse can include, but is not limited to, humiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources. It is considered psychological/emotional violence when there has been prior physical or sexual violence or prior threat of physical or sexual violence. In addition, stalking is often included among the types of IPV. Stalking generally refers to "harassing or threatening behavior that an individual engages in repeatedly, such as following a person, appearing at a person's home or place of business, making harassing phone calls, leaving written messages or objects, or vandalizing a person's property" (Tjad
  • Children may become injured during violent incidents between their parents. A large overlap exists between intimate partner violence and child maltreatment (Appel and Holden 1998).

  • en & Thoennes 1998).

    no longer a victim(domestic Violence)

    Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and
    Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available.
     lasting scars.
    I was a victim of domestic violence I wasn't beat up or bruised but I was pushed against counters and thrown against walls I was called many horrible names, told was a rotten person I was, and alot of other names I am too embarrassed to type. I had my life threatened twice. I was never allowed to have a opinion unless it was his opinion, and if I was gone 15 minutes longer than I expected I heard about it for hours.  I was married to my abuser for a little over 6 years, we had been together 10 years. I kept kicking him out of my home, but...I always let him come back he promised not to drink, promised not to argue and call me bad names. He was good for awhile then it started all over again. I kept believing him when he said he wouldn't do it amymore, but they were just empty promises. I divorced him 2007, but let him come back into my home even after that, because starngely I loved him and I thought he loved me too. My grand daughter has always lived with us and now as I think back how rotten I was to let her hear all the bad names he called me. That was bad of me, but then I didn't think of that as I do now.
    Finally in Late september 2011 I had enough, he had been calling me names, drinking, I had been finding money missing.(wondered how he kept buying alcohol) we had argued that day, at midnight i went to bed, he had been staying in my garage becase he refused to leave my house (we had a fouton, tv coffee table, his computer, cable, internet and a frige out there he wasnt deprived) i shut the internet off just for a little payback, he got so mad that he started pounding on the back door to my house screaming he was kick the door down and if he couldn't he would break the window out of  the door.(I was scared)  he finally got inside the house without breaking anything, how? I still have no idea,  he took my laptop out to the garage and said if he wasn't getting internet neither was I. I was jsut grateful that he immediately went back out to the garage becase I had a 4 year old to protect.
    I left early the next morning took my grand daughter to daycare and realized I needed to get out I called a apt complex I lived in before I could have a apt but it  wouldnt be ready for 3 days, I stayed those three nights at my mothers house, got my apt went back and packed my stuff, he was still there refused to leav. e I had called the people I rented the house from to tell them of the violence they let me out of my lease. he stayed for a week taking advantage.
    We are still seperated and we are going to stay that way. I hope another woman doesn't fall for his cuteness and nice talk because it will be good for a couple months then change will change drastically.
    thanks for reading!

    Monday, June 13, 2011

    Just gramma.....continues....

    I made a reservation today for Frankenmuth, Mi I can only afford to stay one night and 2 days but we should have a good time. My daughter, son, grand daughter, daughter's b/f, and myself are going-we hve tickets to the splash park, dinner, and breakfast. We will be going on the riverboat tour, going to the milatary muesum, and grand daughter will be doing build a bear, the saturday after we are going to the zoo, 3rd weekend in July we are going up north rent a pontoon boat, and going ot the water park. I am trying to do some cool things with my grand daughter she starts kindergarten in September, and has to have surgery on her foot in October. I was hoping surgeries would be done, but the orthopedic surgeon says she needs another one, will be a little easier this time only one foot, all her other surgeries were both feet. She will have a cast up to the waist for 2 weeks then one just below the knee for another 5 weeks. 
    It's hard to believe my grand duaghter Makayla is 5 years old now we just celebrated her birthday May 29th.
    I still haven't got a home business other than Avon, but I am still working on it. Hopefully with God's guidance one will come along soon.
    Taking Makayla to a memorial service thursday her other grandma passed away she does not know she is her grandma has only seen her once in the last 2 years but I think it's appropiate that she go. I hope I am making the right decision.  Time will tell.
    well so much more I want to wrote about but it's late, and I have 2 tests scheduled at the hospital in the morning, so I'm going to go to bed.
    Thanks all God Bless!

    Sunday, May 29, 2011

    a bored person

    I haven't written a blog in awhile been busy and bored at the same time. I am still frustrated I wish I could open a home business. I sell AVON but that isn't going real well I think if I could spend more time on it it coiuld be I only work 25 hours per week, but between working,  full time care of my 5 year old grand daughter(Happy Birthday today Makayla) taking care of a house, I don't have alot of time. The time I do have I don't do very much.nI did manage to get 2 rose bushes 2 geraniums and some perinals planted. I have another half flat of flowers to plant but it has rained everyday for the last 2 weeks it seems.
    I have been having some hip trouble so I had a pain block today, didn't take away my pain totally but Iam hoping as the days go it gets better then I may feel like doing more. I want to have a yard sale in June, I want to paint my bedroom and plant more flowers. I actually have a small home that I like.
    my granddaughter will be starting school in September Kindergarten, I enrolled her in a charter school. Hopefully that will work out. 
    I don't do much in the evenings someitmes, wish I had the friends and the money to go out but I don't maybee someday. Otherwise I sit at home watch tv I love HGTV and criminal minds. I play with my granddaughter, I don't know what I would do without her. She is alot work but I love having her with with me. Tuesday is her U of M appt, Dr. wants to check out her new night time braces.
    well Iam going to close for now it is 4am I have a birthday party to prepare for and I still haven't wrapped her gifts. a new pool she will love.
    have a great day and thanks for reading!
    Brenda

    Saturday, April 16, 2011

    Just gramma.....continues....

    This week has not been a very good for me...guess I just have the blahs. The weather is depressing we had one nice day to speak of it was so hot really, then goes right back down to being cold. It's April where is the nice weather? Today and all weekend it is suppose to rain. Today is sat I do not have to work so I am going to make beds, do laundry, clean the bathroom and my car is thristy.
    I was just aggrevated this week my job is so that some days I hate getting ready to go it, I hate the idea I have to worry about lack of money. I am worried a little about my son too, he is a szcophrenic 22 years old he doesn't do a whole lot mostly stays in his basement room and does things on his computer and watches tv, He doesn't clean house to laundry or cook except for he microwave, he doesn't drive and from his therapist he can not live on his own. I worry because i am not gonna live forever and I often wonder what will happen to him, where will he go? I need to think long and hard about that and figure that out. That worries on mind alot lately.
    Then my grand daughter's father has visited with her twice which hasn't happened for 4 years. Iam a little torn about that too, because after 4 years he decides he wants to be father. She doesn't know it is her father...yet some day I will tell her if he keeps commign around. Guess I am getting soft in my older years I am not sure if I want him comming around or not last I knew he wasn't a very nice guy, But people can change as they mature and I think she deserve for me to give him a chance. So we will see where it leads in the future.
    Makayla has been a handful this week, her mother was here for 3 days and soemitmes it is a little much for her. When the third day evening comes she isn't very nice to her mother, hitting her, yelling at her etc. I just dont know what the problem is, I think maybee resentment because her mother isn't here all the time I just don't know that's another mystery for me.
    Makyayla did help me mix a homemade pineapple upside cake it turned out very good, today we are going to attempt a banana cake, as I have bananas that need somehthing down with.
    I am goign to have a yard sale next month(may) as I have some things around here that are just takign up space and I can use the money, hoping I can advetise on craigs list, facebook, and hanging up flyers will attract people as I hate to post in our local paper they charge way tooo much.
    I didn't get the cabinet that I posted abot previousley when I had the money to buy it it was gone I was soooo bummed but hoping I can find another soon.
    well Iam going...for now have some thing s to get done will post later
    have a great weekend and thanks for reading

    Monday, March 28, 2011

    life.....as a gramma

    I folow one of my fellow bloggers the name of her blog is Manny hats mommy which is a awesome title I have found that I am a many hats grandma--which at my age never thought I would be raising a little one...I am not as old as a typical gramma I don't think most are in their 50's and 60's I am in my 40"s. but I find myself a full time caregiver-I don't like to use mommy because she has a mommy..but mommy type I am her chauffeur, her bather, her friend, her cook, her house cleaner, any anything I need to be. which I really love but with working 30 hours a week, taking and picking her up from daycare, paying bills, grocery shopping I am exhausted. to top it off she doesn't ever go to bed before 10pm most nights at 11pm so I have no ME time, anyone have any ideas about that?? but Iam learning to be a kinder person to have more patience..which I never had before and I am doing more things with her which I regret not doing more with my own children becase I was always so busy working 2 jobs. I need to be more frugal not buy so much, balance what little money I have better-I have a roof over our heads, I never lack food or clothing but I could do better, Iam also learnig there are alot of freebie things to do out there. I never looked before now I find if I spend more time looking for freebies they are things that we really enjoy i april we are going to a popcorn tour and a kids day at the Monroe Mall . so I am in a learning process too like so many other new moms. cept I am a gramma

    Sunday, March 6, 2011

    just sunday 3/6/2011

    not much going on this sunday-i made the beds ate breakfast(toaster strudels) watched some cash & cari on the computer, went to craft 2000(local craft store) and got a bulletin board Iam going to decorate and hang up for notes-had to pick up my son from a friend's house, took him to the dollar store then had to go back to the friends house for something he had forgotten. since then been home watching the race and working on a  cross stitch.  My grand daughter is out to a birthday party with her mother, I hope she is behaving! 
    You know I talk to some people and they think life is rough, I wish they were in my shoes for 4 days. I have to worry about how my bills are getting paid, worry about my hours being reduced again at work, if my grand daughter is sick how i will got to work,how  I will I buy food, how will I put gas in my car. just to name a few. They have to worry about what they are having for dinner, and where are they going this year on vacation. It has been a long time since I had a vacation, they just have NO idea. But I  have to live each day raising my grand daughter the best I can. I really don't have alot of complaints I have a nice house with a big yard, I have a beautiful grand duaghter, I have a newer car, I am grateful for the part time job I have not alot of people can find a job. I do wish that I had a second hand store of my own(my drean), and I do wish I had more money to get the things I want but overall we don't go without much.
    well time to make dinner
    have a good day

    Saturday, March 5, 2011

    just mumblings.....3/5/2011

    Well today is saturday I do not have to work, was going to take my grand daughter down to the popcorn tour it's kids day but...she is still sleeping she didn't go to bed until 11:15 pm last night. so she is tired. I am letting her sleep, I am going to try to get my Avon business going more I am going to pin up my business cards on bullentin boards, order a bunch of samples and mini demos so I have items on hand people want to try, also going to print up flyers and and hand them out. see if these things get my business going good.
    I may be getting my hours cut at work again. I am already down to 25 a week going to either have to get a second job or get sellign more avon, I am going down to a second hand store and buying this beautiful old cabinet that needs alot of love Iam going to sand it down paint it a beautiful yellow but new knobs on it, and contact paper in the shelves. I can't wait to see the end result. Hoping to resell it for a profit. If it does good I will buy another piece to refurbish.
    Today is my grand duahgter's day with her mother I hope they get along well today laately seems they arent getting along with each other and makes my day off very hectic. Not sure what else I can do. as soon as I figure out how to add pics to my blogs I will post my progress with the cabinet.
    Have a great day all!

    Tuesday, March 1, 2011

    A very frustrated Gramma 3/1/2011

    I love my granddaughter dearley but today has really tried my patience. I took her out to breakfast at Mcdonalds let her play in the playscape, then we went to her therapy appointment, cam ehome we made a chocolate cake together she cracked the eggs put in the water and helped me with the electric mixer. then we went to a thrift store, stopped and got chili dogs on the way home, and since then she has been impossible.
    Grandma will you, grandma. will you, grandma will you? I get back sat down and she is at me again. I do not have 3 mins of peace. It has taken me a very long time to write this blog.
    I have yelled at her once today and I feel very bad about it, she is only 4 1/2. I did apologize to her. I just have to remember she IS only 4 1/2 and they are needy little people.
    Then my son who is 22 has a slight disabillity has a hard time doing anything for me but expect me to do everything for him. Just gets frustrating. I guess it is becase Iam not used to do everything alone I have always had a significant other until september of 2010, I have been single since and have had to cook take care of the house take care of my grand daughter alone and work all on my own.
    well enough of my complaining I am happy to have my grand daughter I love her dearly she is just needy and I need to be more understanding.

    Sunday, February 27, 2011

    Drama Queen's Blog: My second day blogging 2/27/2011

    Drama Queen's Blog: My second day blogging 2/27/2011: "well my first blog didn't turn out so well, I didn't have one person look at it, so not sure why I am doing it a second it a second day..."

    My second day blogging 2/27/2011

    well my first blog didn't turn out so well, I didn't have one person look at it, so not sure why I am doing it a second it a second day but who knows I may gey a peeker.
    I went and did lots of shopping yesterday got new valances for the kitchen and got them hung hung up curtains in my bedroom, and the bathroom took down the nasty blinds in those rooms down that were here wehn I moved in. now I just gotta find some cool shades for the living room and my grand duahgters room the inside of the house will be complete.
    I went to a boutique type place yesterday got a very cool wicker rocker for my back porch for $15.00 now I'm looking around for a wicker table to put next to it. it just needs a little painting and it will be fantastic. I just love wicker outside furniture. I also have a metal glider that I used as a child, I remember sitting out on the proch with my granddad on it all the time, it just needs some paint and it will also be great can't wait to put it out in the back yard.
    My daughter is here visiting her daughter, for the reason the visits haven't went very well lately. My grand daughter is mean to her mother in the sence she acts up very badley while she is here. I do not have that problem. That is another thing I need to figue out. I so hope today is a better day. I just want to lay around do some cross stitch and watch NASCAR.
    I am hoping the person who has this old much love needed cabinet goes down on his price  by 5 bucks so I can buy it. I want to reburbish it. If so I will post a pic of the finished product.Now I gotta learn to use a electric sander, but I hear it isn't hard. lol  Hoping to do some things and resell them for some extra money since I got my hours lowered at work I need the extra cash. I would rather do some side jobs in my home so I can be home with my grand daughter instead of getting another outside job.
    feel free to check out my sites www.youravon.com/bvan-riper and http://www.brendavr.etsy.com/ for some fantastic items.
     well thats the blog for today.
    Have a Great day all

    Saturday, February 26, 2011

    Drama Queen's Blog: My first time Blogging 2/26/2011

    Drama Queen's Blog: My first time Blogging 2/26/2011: "well seems as though everyone is blogging these days, I really have no idea about the subject but thought hey I'm game. I really have no spe..."

    My first time Blogging 2/26/2011

    well seems as though everyone is blogging these days, I really have no idea about the subject but thought hey I'm game. I really have no special skills to write about, I love to cross stitch, I love the show crimminal minds and the Hgtv shows like Cash and Cari and design on a dime. My dream is to open a second hand thrift store. I love going to these second hand stores and I love yard sales. I am a independent AVON rep.(www.youravon.com/bvan-riper)  I have 2 adult children a daughter 23 and a son 22. and a beautiful almost 5 year old red headed grand daughter. I live in Monroe, Mi where I was born and raised. I have lived in Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi and Arizona.
    ok so now what to blog about. I am a memeber of the moms business network group this is a group of very nice woman some who have made a successful home business for themselves some like me, who are trying to make a go at a home business. I am a single grandparent raising my grand daughter while working outside the home 25 hours a week.
    She was born with clubbed feet has had many surgeries on her feet, wears orthodics in her shoes and braces at night, goes to the U of M every other month, and next tuesday starts physical therapy twice a week.
    This is the reason I need a work at home business or my own business to be able to spend more time with her. The days are very busy for me.
    My son and I do occasionally sells things on ebay and craigslist and this summer Iam hoping to get old cheap furnitiure refurbish it and resell it, I just a month ago moved from a apt to a house that I love , has a big back yard and a basement so will have a little room for refurbishing.
    well going shopping for new curtains, so I will close for now please tell me what you think of my first time blog,