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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

stupidity

ladies don't fall into the trap I almost did recently, it was my own trap I almost made a huge mistake my ex and I have been divorced since 2007 but together until august 18th 2010 I kept takign him back becase I thought I loved him, and even up until 2 weeks I still wanted to be with him not becase of love but becase of convience. I just hate being alone, I do not do well at night alone, also there are alot of things I have never done for example check the oil in my car, or mowed the grass, or fixed thigns that are broken. A man is a good thing to have around. So I figured he was better than nothing. He said he still wanted to be with me, but.... never made the effort to BE with he is living 80 miles away with his parents, I kept asking are you comming back to live with me or am I comming there to live with you? he always had some excuse to make it not happen. So I got a brain and said it has been over a year you need to decide now what you are doing. I thank God again that he never answered that question was just silent to it all, so I said ok then I guess you made your decision. We will not be together.
I sit in my living chair alone and think back to the verbal and physical abuse, the money he cost me the affair he had , the drinking and driving and the stealing money and think why on earth would I want that all over again??? I am soooo thankful to him for not answering my question, I will never ever be in that situationa again. in the last 3 days I have totally wised up and now know how stupid I have acted wanting to get with him again.
ladies listen to your head not your heart.

Flustered

well I am doing physical therapy for my hip bursitis and man it is hard! I have days that I can't do anything but the last 4 days have been really good.my pain has been minimal, vry happy about that. Ihave been off worki since July 18th disability has been fooling around since that time wanting more and more information to delay paying me has been really hard paying the bills but I am surviving. If I don't hear soemthing soon I am just going to have to go to back to work ealier than the Dr would like me to. Not the end of the world.
My son has noved into his own apartmet in a disabled high rise he seems to be doing good, and he likes it. it is alot quietier here, my daughter moved into his space inthe basement, to spend more time with her daughter. That is a challenge to though as she is bi polar and has severe ADHD, But I luckily know how to handle it.
I am so glad to be done with the abuse I suffered at the hand of my ex-husband. I am so used to his drama that osmetimes I don't know what to do with the quiet but I so like it more than being abused.
I finally got rid of him for good a couple of days ago. Not htat we were together but I took his cell phone off my account that way I have no connection to him. I hope IF and when I find someone who looves for me I pick a better kind of person, not sure what attracted me I did not know about his felonies, or abuse until a little while into our relationship, if I would have known I might have made a better decision.
He got into a lot of trouble while we were together a hit and run with my new van then deyign he did, breaking parloe, domestic violence twice, driving with a suspended license twice I always had tickets parole fees, and court fines to pay for him becase he didn't work. When I think back there were signs but I ignored them, he would yell at me or say things to me that weren't nice make me cry, but he would say he was sorry and I would forget baout it. About a year into our marriage it started getting worse in a verbal way and then he would never sya he was sorry becase if I wouldn't have opend my mouth it wouldn't have happened. in 05 was the first time I remmeber it getting physical we were arguing and he pushed me up against the wall very hard I so wanted to call the police but thought better of it, I should have left him then but was too afraif og being alone. So I stayed. I thnak God that it nevr got more than a push alot of women get the hell beat out them he was never that bad. but a push up against a wall and a kitchen counter was bad enough.
more to come.
God bless you!