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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Happy Sunday!! You know I follow alot of blogs most of them are craft and designing blogs, diy blogs they have alot of followers and alot of comments on them. I know people love to look at before and after pictures of beautiful furniture, pillows, and room makeovers, I know I do that is why I follow them. I guess I need to figure out what attracts them to blogs in the first place, so I can get more people attracted to mine. I thought that writing about domestic violence and RSD and projects would be good things to attract people but so far no.
I do not have alot of information on RSD because I have been newly diagnosed, I know that I sit up in a chair in my living room most nights until 4am because my legs and feet go numb and tingle so bad it feels like I have ants crawling all over them. It is worsened when I lay down for some reason. Then I never sleep more than 4 hours which is good for me, usually about 3 hours a night is average. Sometimes the lack of sleep is very hard on me. I try to do what housework I can, I go to therapy twice a week I have Dr appointments and usually after doing these things my legs and hips are the worst.
I am going to try and find more information on RSD and post it on here. I think it will be good for people to understand it.
I still haven't done the step stool project it has been so cold here in Michigan even a freeze warning last night, it is hard to get the ambition to go outside when it 30 degrees to sparay paint and do projects, hoping it will warm up some soon so I can get it done. It won't take but about 3 hours total.
I talk alot about domestic violence I would have really never thought about it if it wouldn't have happened to me, I have posted before I was never beat up by husband I was never locked in a closet, but there are so many other ways that domestic violence happens I never realized. I thought that beating a woman up was it. I was verbally abused on almost a daily basis, I was pushed, I was told to shut up, I got yelled at when I was 20 minutes late comming home from a outing with my mother, I had money stolen from me. I felt like if I didn't do what he wanted I was a bad person. If my opinion on anything was different than his he got mad. I never knew if we were going to argue, if he was going to drink until he was drunk and push me, and most people say when you are pushed and demaeaned verbally it can escalate to other things. 
I heard  one of my step sons tell me through a story he wrote how his dad used to abuse his mother, how he was smacked by him, So I was always walking on egg shells. I still love him I think I always will. He was very good to my grand daughter and she loves him very much. I know it hurt her when I left him because she couldn't see him everyday, couldn't  takes walks with him, can't go to the beach with him, but I think not having people screaming at each other day is a better way to live. I let him come and visit her whenever and he has many times, but for reason since Jan of this year he hasn't come down to see her, I have asked him to, I have even asked him to reconsile. He says he still loves us. I love him, I realize that is a bad thing. I so think when I see him or talk to him sometimes he has changed, he talks so nice to me, then other times like lately he has for some reason talked very mean to me, hasn't come down to see my grand duaghter whom he claims to love very much, he tells me to kiss his a**, and f**k off that is no way to talk to someone you claim to love. So as much as it pains me I need to finally make the break, I have shut his phone off which was on my account( he hasn't paid it since December and besides the fact a person such as he doesn't need to be on my account, why should I pay the bill evry month?) I have unfriended him on facebook I just think with his attitude being what it is still and when we chat on the computer I never know when I will say something to make him mad then he calls me names or ignores me for days. I just don't want to go through again what I did for 9 years. I think the real reason he doesn't want to reconsile is because when his rich aunt and parents die he will inherit a pretty good amount of money, they don't like me anymore becase they are old fashion when you marry you marry forever even if he is abusing you you are suppose to stand by your man. When I left and he had to go live with them and I divorced him that was the ultimate sin. He would be out of the will if he came back to me and he doesn't want to risk it. So just another reason to realize he isn't the kind of man I want to be with, But he is hurting my grand daughter by all of a sudden not comming to see her she misses him terribley It has been almost 4 months since she has seen him for the first 2 months she asked for him almost evryday I would say he is in florida with his parents (had to take them for a month no other family member would so in order to please his parents he had to druve them to florida and stay)he will be back soon to see you. Things remind her of him. a way he used to put her shirts on(arms first) a beer commerical (grandpa likes to drink beer) a toy he bought her, she would cry saying she wants grandpa why did he have to leave. I would feel really bad for her. The 3rd month she would ask for him about once a week I would say he is still in Florida. This month hasn't been so bad I think she only mentioned him twice. I think even though she is 5 she is realizing that he is just gone. If she does ask again I will tell her truth that he is back in Michigan and I don't know why he hasn't come down to see her. I refuse to lie to her. I am hoping she forgets about him I think it will be better that way, and as much as it hurt me I have to let him go also, I have to get it out of my heart and into my brian that he just isn't going to change he has been this way forever and it's the way it is going to be.
On a brighter note I will post a pic as soon as I get the step stool done, and if we get a nice day soon I have a swing bench to snad and paint and distress I will post before and after's of that too.
I hope evryone has a happy sunday!!
More to come

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Flustered

Well I went to the ortho Dr. monday he says there isn't anything more he can do for me the removal of my bursa was the last resort. We talked about my pain, my left hip is getting bad just like the right he ordered me a walker I said I am only going to use it when both my hips hurt so bad I can hardley walk. I currently use a cane.
He also ordered 4 more weeks of therapy, I went yesterday (tuesday) my hips weren't hurtingt too bad so I was able to do everything. On sunday and monday they hurt so bad it was all I could do to make it throught the days.
Therapy assistant said if I don't make anymore progress in the third week there is no sence in going the next 3 weeks they won't be able to justify it.
My problem is with my left hip giving me trouble I have to stand on it and put pressure on it to do the exersices on my right and sometimes I am just not able to because of pain.
I have a appointment with the pain Dr on the 2nd I am hoping I can get pain meds,
we will see.
I still never got the step stool painted I am hoping to do that today hoping it isn't so cold out have to do it outside. I will post a pic when done.   
I did finish a cross stitch I have it listed in my etsy store. http://www.brendavr.etsy.com/
well it is 3:23am hope everyone has a great day going to try the bed out.
more to come

Saturday, April 21, 2012

This and That

Well it's 1am on saturday morning I had a somewhat eventful friday for me anyways. My mother and I went to a rummage sale at a nearby church, their prices were very low I ended up spending a whole 3.25 I bought my grand daughter 2 barbie dolls, 2 school church in excellent condiiton for the next school year, a wicker lid, and a awesome throw rug. I thought these were great deals, We made a kmart stop for bath cleaner, a bucket, and a mop. Once home I washed beds sheets and remade beds,(with the help of my daughter) finished my son's laundry, swept the floors and cleaned the bathroom. I am hoping to get a step stool painted tomorrow so sunday I can get the fairies painted on it. Next week hoping to get a bench sanded and painted so I can list if for sale. I also have 2 finished stitch I am hoping to get onto backing tomorrow so I can get them listed on etsy. http://www.brendavr.etsy.com/ 
 My hips and legs hurt very badley right now which is why I am still up and suspect I will up a long while yet. The pain pills I have are just not strong enough to take away any pain. My legs and feet are tingling and numb so thats another problem.
I had my last day of therapy yesterday my therapist is recommending that I have more because I have not met my goals for stairs, pain or strength, I have a appointment with my Ortho Dr on monday I will see what he says.
Then on May 2nd I have a appointment with the pain Dr. I am telling him no more injections in any part of my body as I have had many of them with no results. I am hoping to get a pain patch to get me through the day and sleepless nights, I am jsut so tired all the time from lack of sleep. I am pretty sure I agree with the RSD diagnosis from the pain Dr. not 100% but almost I have almost all the systoms. We will see what he says.
I finshed my lighthouse table runner today just have to wash and press it. I decided instead of selliong it I am giving as a gift to my ex mother in law from my grand daughter she has a birthday comming up. She collects lighthouse stuff has a ton.
Still deciding what to do for my grand daughters birthday which is late May, We have a small pool, sandbox, and a couple toys but not really enough for kids to do. So I thoguht maybee at a waterpark but the nearest one is 25 mins away not sure if parents want to drive 5 and 6 year olds for a party. I will figure out something.
Please remember April is child abuse awarness month. If anyoen suspects neglect, or abuse of a child please report it it will not be a one time occurance, it will continue until someone stops it you could be that person.
I have posted pics of the awesome $1.00 throw rug I got and of the finished table ruuner. Already started another cross stitch.
more to come


Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter

well it's 12:48am and it is Easter sunday-Happy Easter everyone! I just made my grand daughter's basket from the Easter bunny, I am sure she will like it. Doesn't have a lot of candy as she just doesn't need but she has some plus a Barbie and 2 outfits inside a pail for her to play in the sandbox.
Today was a good day it was around 60 degrees we went shopping at wal mart, my daughter took my grand daughter to the library and to a Easter egg hunt she had a real good time. I wish I could go to church but with both my hips and legs hurting so much I just can't sit long enough to enjoy the service.
I finally have another appointment with the pain Dr. but I can't get in until May which is 3 weeks away too long.
I follow a blog of a woman who has this RSD she has learned to do things to try to control her pain and live her life to the fullest, I hope I get to that someday, I right now would just like to be able to walk more than 2 mins without having severe pain. maybee someday.
We are going to be very busy the last 3 weeks of this month, we are going to Frankenmuth my grand daughter just loves the inside water park she is on spring break from school so it is the perfect time to go. myself my mother, daughter and grand daughter are going. It will be fun the only thign is I have to use a wheelchair because I would never be able to walk around, but at least I have someone(my mother) to push me around. then my daughter has 2 Dr.'s appointments, I have therapy 3 times a week, I have a appointment with my Orthopediec surgeon, my grand daughter has a dentist appointment, and I have to go see a lawyer.
I am not happy at all that I have to take the time to go see one, my daughter has to drive me at 8:30am, but my ex I spoke about it previous blogs is doing something that isn't right I have asked him not to and he basically said screw you, so I have to go see if there is anything I can do about it.
He has been gone since August of 2010 and I just want rid of him for good, and he is just trying to play a power game I may not be able to do anything but I sure want to see becase if I can I will.
well I hope everyone has a Happy Easter
more to come
God Blesss!!!!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Blah!!

Well this weekend was and wasn't fun, I went to Monroe biggest yard sale inside the a building at the fair grounds I would have only spend $2.00 but I had my grand daughter and 5 year olds only want something so I ended up spending $12 bucks--which is pretty good I think. Then my mother and I went to Tim Hortons I love their chocolate dip donuts and they have the best coffee, but boy did I pay for walking around that night both my legs and hips hurt so bad I was up until 4:30am slept for only 2 hours.
Sunday my grand daughter didn't feel well at all sleep half the day coughing, and a stuffed nose, then I slept for 3 hours on the couch due to lack of sleep the night before.
I ended up watching the race which had a good ending painted a small shelf I got from a ebay auction 2 coats of white did a little cleaning. That was pretty much my weekend.
Monday I made a Dr's appointment for my grand daughter gave her 2 perscriptions, we had to get blood work and xrays but thnak Goodness they all came back normal she just has a cough. Hope it goes soon we are suppose to go to Frankenmuth tothe inside water park next week. April 10th and 11th while she is on spring break from school. So we spent most of the day at the hospital. I was so exhausted that we all went out to eat for a late lunch. grandaughter spent most of the day laying around.
Today I wake up  I hurt a little but not like normal. I just feel achy in my legs, arms and hands. I am wondering if it is becase of the rain. It has been rainign here all moring and half the night. I go to therpay and get through it it wasn't as bad as usual. I just feel blah today.
My grand duaghter went to school today, still has a cough but  she will ge thtought 3 1/2 hour sof school. No fever thank Goodness.
For soem reason today I am thinkign of my ex husband and it isn't for any other reason  than to realize how unfair life really is. I am struggling so bad to pay bills. Which I have done most of my life. So that isn't unusual. I had a ex who didn't work, his parents and family were too good to help us. We were always having cars repoed, or my step dad buying us food, because my ex was too busy stealing what little money I had. When he would fix a computer for someone he would say they didn't pay him or he would tell me they gave him 10 or 20 bucks when they actually gave him 30 or 40 or 50.
What I was thinkign about how the life is beign unfair, I always loved my husband, I always tried to take care of him, I always weated to be with him, Is didn't mind buying him things he needed or wated when I could. I think in a way I still love him, nothign was ever good enough for him. He always talked to other woman on the phone or in person or onthe computer, went to their work or homes and did who knows what. I was ignorant to what was going on. I didn't even believe my children when they told me these things becase I loved him so very much. Now that we aren't togehter I rwealiz it is a good thing, but just makes me so mad that he lives wiht his parents rent free, pays no utilites, doesn't have to buy food, or clothes , doesn't have to pay for a car, or car inusrance. He even gets a allowance for driving them places and doing some yard work for them.
He has a aunt that has lots of money and he is one of 5 beneficaries of all her money. His parents own 3 homes they are givinign him one for helping them out, plus he along with his brothers will get their money too.
It just isn't fair that he spent so many years in prison kept breaking the law time after time, is a abuser, had affairs, and stole money from me but he gets to live the good life while I and my granddaugther struggle.
I guess I am jealous althoguh I would like to think it was just that life isn't fair. I do jto know why I was daydreamign about it this mornign it just entered my mind while I was checkign how much money I had in my checking account. Which isn't much.
Oh well he says he had a bad stroke which I am having a hard time believing I htink he wanted me to feel sorry for him. If he did I guess I would say evil things happen to evil people and pay backs are hell.
I will get over it it surely isn't somethign to make me rush me ruch back to him. A year ago it probabley would have been but I would like to think I am little wiser now.
So if anyone is expericening anything like I did don't let living on your own, a disability, no money stop you from gettign away if you need too. Seek help and get away no matter what.
I have jsut as little money, I still struggle, he never brought my life to a higher standard of living. The things I dont have is yelling, arguing, or walking on egg shells, or missing money. and it feels really good.