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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Happy Sunday!! You know I follow alot of blogs most of them are craft and designing blogs, diy blogs they have alot of followers and alot of comments on them. I know people love to look at before and after pictures of beautiful furniture, pillows, and room makeovers, I know I do that is why I follow them. I guess I need to figure out what attracts them to blogs in the first place, so I can get more people attracted to mine. I thought that writing about domestic violence and RSD and projects would be good things to attract people but so far no.
I do not have alot of information on RSD because I have been newly diagnosed, I know that I sit up in a chair in my living room most nights until 4am because my legs and feet go numb and tingle so bad it feels like I have ants crawling all over them. It is worsened when I lay down for some reason. Then I never sleep more than 4 hours which is good for me, usually about 3 hours a night is average. Sometimes the lack of sleep is very hard on me. I try to do what housework I can, I go to therapy twice a week I have Dr appointments and usually after doing these things my legs and hips are the worst.
I am going to try and find more information on RSD and post it on here. I think it will be good for people to understand it.
I still haven't done the step stool project it has been so cold here in Michigan even a freeze warning last night, it is hard to get the ambition to go outside when it 30 degrees to sparay paint and do projects, hoping it will warm up some soon so I can get it done. It won't take but about 3 hours total.
I talk alot about domestic violence I would have really never thought about it if it wouldn't have happened to me, I have posted before I was never beat up by husband I was never locked in a closet, but there are so many other ways that domestic violence happens I never realized. I thought that beating a woman up was it. I was verbally abused on almost a daily basis, I was pushed, I was told to shut up, I got yelled at when I was 20 minutes late comming home from a outing with my mother, I had money stolen from me. I felt like if I didn't do what he wanted I was a bad person. If my opinion on anything was different than his he got mad. I never knew if we were going to argue, if he was going to drink until he was drunk and push me, and most people say when you are pushed and demaeaned verbally it can escalate to other things. 
I heard  one of my step sons tell me through a story he wrote how his dad used to abuse his mother, how he was smacked by him, So I was always walking on egg shells. I still love him I think I always will. He was very good to my grand daughter and she loves him very much. I know it hurt her when I left him because she couldn't see him everyday, couldn't  takes walks with him, can't go to the beach with him, but I think not having people screaming at each other day is a better way to live. I let him come and visit her whenever and he has many times, but for reason since Jan of this year he hasn't come down to see her, I have asked him to, I have even asked him to reconsile. He says he still loves us. I love him, I realize that is a bad thing. I so think when I see him or talk to him sometimes he has changed, he talks so nice to me, then other times like lately he has for some reason talked very mean to me, hasn't come down to see my grand duaghter whom he claims to love very much, he tells me to kiss his a**, and f**k off that is no way to talk to someone you claim to love. So as much as it pains me I need to finally make the break, I have shut his phone off which was on my account( he hasn't paid it since December and besides the fact a person such as he doesn't need to be on my account, why should I pay the bill evry month?) I have unfriended him on facebook I just think with his attitude being what it is still and when we chat on the computer I never know when I will say something to make him mad then he calls me names or ignores me for days. I just don't want to go through again what I did for 9 years. I think the real reason he doesn't want to reconsile is because when his rich aunt and parents die he will inherit a pretty good amount of money, they don't like me anymore becase they are old fashion when you marry you marry forever even if he is abusing you you are suppose to stand by your man. When I left and he had to go live with them and I divorced him that was the ultimate sin. He would be out of the will if he came back to me and he doesn't want to risk it. So just another reason to realize he isn't the kind of man I want to be with, But he is hurting my grand daughter by all of a sudden not comming to see her she misses him terribley It has been almost 4 months since she has seen him for the first 2 months she asked for him almost evryday I would say he is in florida with his parents (had to take them for a month no other family member would so in order to please his parents he had to druve them to florida and stay)he will be back soon to see you. Things remind her of him. a way he used to put her shirts on(arms first) a beer commerical (grandpa likes to drink beer) a toy he bought her, she would cry saying she wants grandpa why did he have to leave. I would feel really bad for her. The 3rd month she would ask for him about once a week I would say he is still in Florida. This month hasn't been so bad I think she only mentioned him twice. I think even though she is 5 she is realizing that he is just gone. If she does ask again I will tell her truth that he is back in Michigan and I don't know why he hasn't come down to see her. I refuse to lie to her. I am hoping she forgets about him I think it will be better that way, and as much as it hurt me I have to let him go also, I have to get it out of my heart and into my brian that he just isn't going to change he has been this way forever and it's the way it is going to be.
On a brighter note I will post a pic as soon as I get the step stool done, and if we get a nice day soon I have a swing bench to snad and paint and distress I will post before and after's of that too.
I hope evryone has a happy sunday!!
More to come

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