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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

just some thoughts

Well I finished my last day of therapy last thursday It has helped that my right hip doesn't feel so tight, but it hasn't helped my pain at all. I sit up sometimes late( as I did last night till 4am) just playing rummy on the computer, working on cross stitch, and watchign tv. Not much to do that late at night my house is so small that you hear every little thing. I still don't do much during the day as, my pain still is so bad.
I went to the pain Dr he wants me to get a spine stimulator I'm not sure I hurt so bad one day I called his office to get pain meds and he won't give me any as he is sett on this stimulator so I just have to suffer. Not right as he is a pain Dr. So I am going to see another one soon and I will update.
My daughter takes the clothes down to the basement for me a couple days a week I do down there and do the laundry, I wash dishes, I make dinner, but my daughter takes trash out, vaccuums etc. I don't like much going grocery shopping I used to love it but Ihave to ride a cart in the store my daughter goes to put the itmes on the cart for me which means my grand daughter has to go and it's just seems too much for 3 of us to take up isle space and be in others way, so most times her and my grand daughter go off a list I give her. I do need to "get out" once in a while so I go to wal mart.
We planted flowers over the weekend. Oh I should say my daughter planted them while I supervised LOL. I did pull a few weeds, and i put the soil and flowers in all my pots. I do have to say we did a good job and the front yard looks awesome.
My grand duaghter helps us water the plants every night. she really likes doing it. I am tryign to teach her there is more than just watching tv. she has been picking up her room, and feeding our dog after school. I found her a treehouse looking playhouse for the back yard, she just loves it, the same day someone gave us a big outside kitchen, and we put up her pool. It isn't as big as the one we had for her last year but she loves it. I have this big backyard might as well take advantage of the space and give her a reason to want to go outside. so now she has a playhouse, kitchen, sandbox, and a pool put back she has been wanting to go out the last few days.
My mother colored my hair on saturday she isn't big on gray she tried a different color instead of medium brown like normal she decided red/brown was better it is really red. I don't like it very much but it won't last forever and I can change the color back.
I wish I could speak of some summer vacation plans but I can't, I can not afford to go anywhere. I am off work, and my grand duaghter's last day of school is June 15th would be a perfect time to go but I just can't fit it into the budget. The last 3 years we have went to Houghton Lake my ex in laws have a mobile home , a boat, a golf cart. The only thing it cost me is gas money there and back, and some food. We always had a great time and I wish we could go again my grand daughter really wants to go but it isn't to be.
My ex husband and I have been on good terms so we go up north have a vacation and he and my grand daughter can see each other, but since April he had decided that he doesn't want to speak to me anymore. I do not know why, he was driving his parents back from Florida and we were speaking fine He was comming here was going to spend a couple weeks then back to his parents and so on so he and my grand daughter could spend time together. No matter how he ever treated me he treated her like a princess. She hasn't seen him since the first week of January she asks for him, can he come see her, cna she call him I have to be the bad guy and say no. She is really hurting right now I wish I could take it away but I can't. My ex decided he wanted to come down for a day or 2 and see her then leave but, that just makes it worse for her she is really devastated when he leaves after such a short time. That is why we came up with the 2 weeks here and 2 weeks at his parents, but for soem reason he changed it I ask him over and over why he changed it, why he doesn't want to see his grand daughter but I can't get any answer.
I am hoping as the days, months, and years go by she forgets about him and doesn't have to be hurt everytime she thinks of him. I have tried to take pictures of him out of the house, and anythign of hers that remind her of him so she isn't sad. Once in awhile she finds somehting that is a reminder but then we just deal with it. I am hoping my ex realizes one day how he hurt her, how sad he has made her I don't think he will he out for himself but one can hope.
well closing for now everyone have a great week
God bless!

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