well, life is becomming very sad for me lately, I have a Dr appt tomorrow everytime I go I have to pay $55.00 that I do not have, $35.00 for my co-pay and $20 bucks for the Dr to fill out a paper for work, hopefully I won't have more than 1 $20 per page. Money is getting very tight for me lately, I know others have the same problem, so I complain and others and are in the same situation, I am sorry for that. I wish we all had enoguh to pay rent, utilites, cars, inusrance, etc and not have to struggle. I do not even have a credit card or loan other than my car payment, and I am still having a hard time. I was getting child support but I didn't get it today hummmmmmm.
My daughter has a appointment with a SSI examiner I am so hoping she approved. with her ADHD, and bi-polar she has a hard time keeping job she has had several jobs she just can not keep them very long. She has given it a few years before hse applied, we didn't want to take advantage of the system.
My son is still doing good in his own apt I am happy about that.
Iam not doing very good with my etsy web site have only sold 1 thing since I opened it and that was this time last year Iam really thinking it's not worth it to keep it open. I also have not been doign good with my AVON. I do not have the ambition to pass out business cards or books I haven't advertised much. I only had 2 orders last campaign one my mother and one a regular customer I owed my mother the amount of her avon and the regular customer had a credit so I ended up paying the whole thing so I did not make any money on it. So Iam thinking it is not worth it to keep it anymore either. I have to pay for books etc and not making a profit I end up losing money.
My last day of therapy tomorrow I do think it has helped a little but not enough to make a big difference. I did make my therapist and his assistant soem chocolats chips cookies, I will miss them.
well thats it for now.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Ho Hum
well It's 12:49am on a saturday and I am not a bit tired. Haven't done much today, guess I am getting used to going to bed after 2am only getting about 3 hours of sleep at night. I am still off work because of my hips, It isn't a bad thing just a little boring, I also smoke way to much sitting at home I am afraid if I go back to work I won't have health insurance becase of my hours being cut, my hip giving out and me not being able to work, I would have to be home without being paid by work disability. It is tough I dont make as much being on disability as I do working but...it isn't that much different. I have some things facebook's yardsellr, and on ebay hoping I sell 2 or 3 of them I sold quite a few things about a month ago and was able to buy my grand daughter and daughter some things for Christmas, I have 2 Christmas layaways one for my grand daughter and one for my son so Iam gettign there.
My son seems to be doing pretty well living in his own apartment just hasn't found the cleaning nack yet. My daughter on the other hand is very childlike, she is bi polar, adhd, and has depression. She takes a awful lot of pills everyday(well suppose to everyday) She is very caring but some days are a real challenge for me with her. She has always had problems and I was always able to hadle whatever whatever came along, but as she gets older(now 24) or should I say as I get older it is more difficult.
I seem to tolerate things alot less. I really try thoough, and most days I succeed, But soem days I just have to get it off my chest, and we end up in a argument.She has a appointment with a SSI Dr. I am hoping she is approved for it would help us out so much. She seems to get jobs but she can't keep them. Her concentration is not very good, she doesn't understand written or oral instruction very well, I really think she tries It is sad sometimes becase she feels so bad when she is let go, Things will get better I am hoping it is soon.
Well I am getting tired so I will sign off for now. hopefully I will have soem ebay sells to brag about the next post.
God Bless All
My son seems to be doing pretty well living in his own apartment just hasn't found the cleaning nack yet. My daughter on the other hand is very childlike, she is bi polar, adhd, and has depression. She takes a awful lot of pills everyday(well suppose to everyday) She is very caring but some days are a real challenge for me with her. She has always had problems and I was always able to hadle whatever whatever came along, but as she gets older(now 24) or should I say as I get older it is more difficult.
I seem to tolerate things alot less. I really try thoough, and most days I succeed, But soem days I just have to get it off my chest, and we end up in a argument.She has a appointment with a SSI Dr. I am hoping she is approved for it would help us out so much. She seems to get jobs but she can't keep them. Her concentration is not very good, she doesn't understand written or oral instruction very well, I really think she tries It is sad sometimes becase she feels so bad when she is let go, Things will get better I am hoping it is soon.
Well I am getting tired so I will sign off for now. hopefully I will have soem ebay sells to brag about the next post.
God Bless All
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Family, and Me
It is 10:40pm on a sunday night-one week ago my right leg gave out and I fell down the basement stairs I got a huge bruise on my right buttocks, small bruises on my thighs, and both inner arms and some scrapes but thank the good Lord I didn't break anything, and I could have landed on my head or face instead of my backside. I am still off work suppose to go back to the Dr. on October 29th but I can not see myself returning as I still get sharp pains in my right hipk my leg gives out, and I still can not walk very far. I get really bored at home and I sure am tired of being of pain but what can I do?
I did receive some good news took my grand daughter to her Orthopedic Dr at the U of M and he has decided that she does NOT need surgery right now fantastic! it was very unexpected news he says maybee sometime as she gets grows. We will deal with it when the time comes.
My son moved into a disabled apartment on August 11, 2011 and he seems to be doign very well. Except for the clothes all over, dirty dishes in the sink, and never havign a amde bed. lol. He rides the bus, volunteers 2 days a week at our hopital's lab, and gets groceries, so I can't complain.
My 24 year old daughter has moved into the basement space that my son used to occupy and there have been a few problems. She has severe ADHD, Bipolar, and depression. Some days are a real challenge. We argue some days as little things that wouldn't mean anything to you or I seem upset her alot. She will yell, scream, and call names, other times she will cry becase she got her feelings hurt. She talks 100 miles per minute, and is always going from one thing to another, But we are getting through it. I am hoping she gets approved for SSI, very hard for her to keep a job as she is hyper, has very bad memory loss and can not understand verbal or written instructions. I love her though.
The last 2 months I have sold some things on ebay and bought quite a bit for my granddaughter for Christmas. Living on 60% of my normal pay(which wasn't good anyways) I have to count all my pennies so this was a good way to get her Christmas done. I also bought something for my daughter and 1 thing for myself. Has been fun selling thing sI no longer need. I plan this week to put some of my grand daughter's toys on there that she has outgrown, can't wait to see the finale on those.
I stopped sellign AVON for a coupe months was just getting too much, But I decided to pick it back up. I need to learn to advertise more and pass out books. I am also gonna try blogging for payment I like to wrote and I like using the computer since i am off work thoguht it may be a way to earn some extra cash.
well Iam going to sign off for now. Remember ladies to always know the signs of abuse and get out early before you get hurt.
take care
I did receive some good news took my grand daughter to her Orthopedic Dr at the U of M and he has decided that she does NOT need surgery right now fantastic! it was very unexpected news he says maybee sometime as she gets grows. We will deal with it when the time comes.
My son moved into a disabled apartment on August 11, 2011 and he seems to be doign very well. Except for the clothes all over, dirty dishes in the sink, and never havign a amde bed. lol. He rides the bus, volunteers 2 days a week at our hopital's lab, and gets groceries, so I can't complain.
My 24 year old daughter has moved into the basement space that my son used to occupy and there have been a few problems. She has severe ADHD, Bipolar, and depression. Some days are a real challenge. We argue some days as little things that wouldn't mean anything to you or I seem upset her alot. She will yell, scream, and call names, other times she will cry becase she got her feelings hurt. She talks 100 miles per minute, and is always going from one thing to another, But we are getting through it. I am hoping she gets approved for SSI, very hard for her to keep a job as she is hyper, has very bad memory loss and can not understand verbal or written instructions. I love her though.
The last 2 months I have sold some things on ebay and bought quite a bit for my granddaughter for Christmas. Living on 60% of my normal pay(which wasn't good anyways) I have to count all my pennies so this was a good way to get her Christmas done. I also bought something for my daughter and 1 thing for myself. Has been fun selling thing sI no longer need. I plan this week to put some of my grand daughter's toys on there that she has outgrown, can't wait to see the finale on those.
I stopped sellign AVON for a coupe months was just getting too much, But I decided to pick it back up. I need to learn to advertise more and pass out books. I am also gonna try blogging for payment I like to wrote and I like using the computer since i am off work thoguht it may be a way to earn some extra cash.
well Iam going to sign off for now. Remember ladies to always know the signs of abuse and get out early before you get hurt.
take care
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
bored and frustrated
Well, I am sitting here in my chair which what I have most of the weekend. My hip is still hurting although not as much as a month ago, but now my good leg and hip are hurting pretty bad I think becase I compensate so much for the right hip and the only position I can lay is on my left side and it starts hurting almost a soon as I lay down. I am so hoping this gets better soon I have been off work sicne 7/18 going to therapy for a month I see some improvement but not much.
I did have some good success on ebay the last 22 weeks, I sold a wedding ring, a couple of younger toys, and a couple avon perfumes. Made enought o buy 4 Christmas gifts for my granddaughter and a few things for myself with money left over. Not bad.
My sweet Makayla starts kindergarten today I can n ot believe how she has grown up. seems like the last 5 years went by fast.
On October 14th she has another surgery on her feet but thankfully it is only her right foot this time, she will have a cast for 8 weeks going tot he U of M every 2 weeks to have the cast off and another put on, a pain in the rear but gotta do what is best for her. hopign that goes by quick too.
I have blogged about some of my domestic violence situations and I hope it helped even one person. As much as I have discovered I do not not want to be with my ex anymore my grand daughter sure is missing him, she calls out for him sometimes. I told my ex that I have no problem with him comming to viist her he SAID he still wanted to be her grandpa(even when people split up the children shouldn't have to suffer) he was my grand daughter's whole world she worshiped the ground he walked on and he was very good to her. I kept asking him to come see her, he broke 3 ribs in late June and kept saying that he could ride here a hour and 20 minutes to come visit her because of too much pain, but...I find out today from a relative of his that he went to Houghton Lake on thursday which is a 3 hour and 20 minute drive. I do not understand that. I mean why lie to me? if you no longer want to be Makayla's grandpa and come see her just say so so I don't have to keep telling her soon grandpa will come soon to see you. Let the hurt be over with.
As much as I realize that my ex went out of his way to hurt me physically, verbally, a affair and all the other things I truely believed he still loved Makayla. I think this just proved that he does not. I never wanted to keep her grandpa from her, but I am beginning to think it is the best thing for her. she has not seen him since late June and I am thinking that the longer she goes without seeing him she will learn to forget and it won't her so much. I just hate to see and hear her cry for him. Just isn't right what do you all think?? I really thought he loved her but I guess a person who abusers anothr and gets drunk alot may just be uncapable of love. it is very sad.
well ladies make sure you see the signs of abuse before it is too late. My ex was nice and sweet and really played it up for me the first few months we were together I didn't find out until after we were married that he was the way he is.
thanks for reading more later
God Bless!
I did have some good success on ebay the last 22 weeks, I sold a wedding ring, a couple of younger toys, and a couple avon perfumes. Made enought o buy 4 Christmas gifts for my granddaughter and a few things for myself with money left over. Not bad.
My sweet Makayla starts kindergarten today I can n ot believe how she has grown up. seems like the last 5 years went by fast.
On October 14th she has another surgery on her feet but thankfully it is only her right foot this time, she will have a cast for 8 weeks going tot he U of M every 2 weeks to have the cast off and another put on, a pain in the rear but gotta do what is best for her. hopign that goes by quick too.
I have blogged about some of my domestic violence situations and I hope it helped even one person. As much as I have discovered I do not not want to be with my ex anymore my grand daughter sure is missing him, she calls out for him sometimes. I told my ex that I have no problem with him comming to viist her he SAID he still wanted to be her grandpa(even when people split up the children shouldn't have to suffer) he was my grand daughter's whole world she worshiped the ground he walked on and he was very good to her. I kept asking him to come see her, he broke 3 ribs in late June and kept saying that he could ride here a hour and 20 minutes to come visit her because of too much pain, but...I find out today from a relative of his that he went to Houghton Lake on thursday which is a 3 hour and 20 minute drive. I do not understand that. I mean why lie to me? if you no longer want to be Makayla's grandpa and come see her just say so so I don't have to keep telling her soon grandpa will come soon to see you. Let the hurt be over with.
As much as I realize that my ex went out of his way to hurt me physically, verbally, a affair and all the other things I truely believed he still loved Makayla. I think this just proved that he does not. I never wanted to keep her grandpa from her, but I am beginning to think it is the best thing for her. she has not seen him since late June and I am thinking that the longer she goes without seeing him she will learn to forget and it won't her so much. I just hate to see and hear her cry for him. Just isn't right what do you all think?? I really thought he loved her but I guess a person who abusers anothr and gets drunk alot may just be uncapable of love. it is very sad.
well ladies make sure you see the signs of abuse before it is too late. My ex was nice and sweet and really played it up for me the first few months we were together I didn't find out until after we were married that he was the way he is.
thanks for reading more later
God Bless!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
stupidity
ladies don't fall into the trap I almost did recently, it was my own trap I almost made a huge mistake my ex and I have been divorced since 2007 but together until august 18th 2010 I kept takign him back becase I thought I loved him, and even up until 2 weeks I still wanted to be with him not becase of love but becase of convience. I just hate being alone, I do not do well at night alone, also there are alot of things I have never done for example check the oil in my car, or mowed the grass, or fixed thigns that are broken. A man is a good thing to have around. So I figured he was better than nothing. He said he still wanted to be with me, but.... never made the effort to BE with he is living 80 miles away with his parents, I kept asking are you comming back to live with me or am I comming there to live with you? he always had some excuse to make it not happen. So I got a brain and said it has been over a year you need to decide now what you are doing. I thank God again that he never answered that question was just silent to it all, so I said ok then I guess you made your decision. We will not be together.
I sit in my living chair alone and think back to the verbal and physical abuse, the money he cost me the affair he had , the drinking and driving and the stealing money and think why on earth would I want that all over again??? I am soooo thankful to him for not answering my question, I will never ever be in that situationa again. in the last 3 days I have totally wised up and now know how stupid I have acted wanting to get with him again.
ladies listen to your head not your heart.
I sit in my living chair alone and think back to the verbal and physical abuse, the money he cost me the affair he had , the drinking and driving and the stealing money and think why on earth would I want that all over again??? I am soooo thankful to him for not answering my question, I will never ever be in that situationa again. in the last 3 days I have totally wised up and now know how stupid I have acted wanting to get with him again.
ladies listen to your head not your heart.
Flustered
well I am doing physical therapy for my hip bursitis and man it is hard! I have days that I can't do anything but the last 4 days have been really good.my pain has been minimal, vry happy about that. Ihave been off worki since July 18th disability has been fooling around since that time wanting more and more information to delay paying me has been really hard paying the bills but I am surviving. If I don't hear soemthing soon I am just going to have to go to back to work ealier than the Dr would like me to. Not the end of the world.
My son has noved into his own apartmet in a disabled high rise he seems to be doing good, and he likes it. it is alot quietier here, my daughter moved into his space inthe basement, to spend more time with her daughter. That is a challenge to though as she is bi polar and has severe ADHD, But I luckily know how to handle it.
I am so glad to be done with the abuse I suffered at the hand of my ex-husband. I am so used to his drama that osmetimes I don't know what to do with the quiet but I so like it more than being abused.
I finally got rid of him for good a couple of days ago. Not htat we were together but I took his cell phone off my account that way I have no connection to him. I hope IF and when I find someone who looves for me I pick a better kind of person, not sure what attracted me I did not know about his felonies, or abuse until a little while into our relationship, if I would have known I might have made a better decision.
He got into a lot of trouble while we were together a hit and run with my new van then deyign he did, breaking parloe, domestic violence twice, driving with a suspended license twice I always had tickets parole fees, and court fines to pay for him becase he didn't work. When I think back there were signs but I ignored them, he would yell at me or say things to me that weren't nice make me cry, but he would say he was sorry and I would forget baout it. About a year into our marriage it started getting worse in a verbal way and then he would never sya he was sorry becase if I wouldn't have opend my mouth it wouldn't have happened. in 05 was the first time I remmeber it getting physical we were arguing and he pushed me up against the wall very hard I so wanted to call the police but thought better of it, I should have left him then but was too afraif og being alone. So I stayed. I thnak God that it nevr got more than a push alot of women get the hell beat out them he was never that bad. but a push up against a wall and a kitchen counter was bad enough.
more to come.
God bless you!
My son has noved into his own apartmet in a disabled high rise he seems to be doing good, and he likes it. it is alot quietier here, my daughter moved into his space inthe basement, to spend more time with her daughter. That is a challenge to though as she is bi polar and has severe ADHD, But I luckily know how to handle it.
I am so glad to be done with the abuse I suffered at the hand of my ex-husband. I am so used to his drama that osmetimes I don't know what to do with the quiet but I so like it more than being abused.
I finally got rid of him for good a couple of days ago. Not htat we were together but I took his cell phone off my account that way I have no connection to him. I hope IF and when I find someone who looves for me I pick a better kind of person, not sure what attracted me I did not know about his felonies, or abuse until a little while into our relationship, if I would have known I might have made a better decision.
He got into a lot of trouble while we were together a hit and run with my new van then deyign he did, breaking parloe, domestic violence twice, driving with a suspended license twice I always had tickets parole fees, and court fines to pay for him becase he didn't work. When I think back there were signs but I ignored them, he would yell at me or say things to me that weren't nice make me cry, but he would say he was sorry and I would forget baout it. About a year into our marriage it started getting worse in a verbal way and then he would never sya he was sorry becase if I wouldn't have opend my mouth it wouldn't have happened. in 05 was the first time I remmeber it getting physical we were arguing and he pushed me up against the wall very hard I so wanted to call the police but thought better of it, I should have left him then but was too afraif og being alone. So I stayed. I thnak God that it nevr got more than a push alot of women get the hell beat out them he was never that bad. but a push up against a wall and a kitchen counter was bad enough.
more to come.
God bless you!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Well I got my childcare figured out just in time to be put off work, I am off till october 3rd so far, The surgeon said my pain has nothign to do with my back it's all my hip which is what the 1st surgeon said. He is sending me to rehab for 4 weeks 3 times a week, says that should take my pain away. The pain dr should have never doen anything to my back and that will be in almost unbearable pain until the nerve grows back which will take up to 10 months. At least I know the problem. Right now I am having some financial problems, which I am sure is true of most people, I may not be getting paid for being off which is a bummer I have paid for the insurance out of my check for the last 3 1/2 years but what can ya do. I have been posing for things to sell on ebay and facebook, I have been taking bottles back to the store, I have not spent any money on clothes or out to eat in the last 3 weeks, and wil continue that.
I am hoping to get writing more about my domestic viloence experiences, it isn't nearly as abd as some woman have experienced, but it is still something that should have never happened. I think back to my experiences and think how stupid I was to stay with a man who treated me bad.
I worked all the time I was with him mostly full time with a secodn part time job, he only worked for the first 2 years we were together. I was paying all the bills, the rent, buying the food, paying the car payment and insurance, etc. He did make dinner most nights, he did laundry and for the most part kept my house clean, and looked after my grand daughter wile I was at work. I thought well I am out working he is doing his part. The things I remember most are I always had money missing from my purse never alot but noticeable.I never gave him money but he always had beer, or alcohol to drink I did stupidley buy him some but not like he was drinking, I was so nieve in the beginning I didnt put 2 and 2 together.
I just hated it when he drank 9 out of 10 times he drank until he was drunk, we would always always with each other my children hated it, even as adults they hated it. He would call me horrible names in front of them, he would make threats to harm me. I would get to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and throw him out, sometimes he would go to his parents peacefully other times he would make me have to call police, or move myself to another place which I had to do often I have been in a different house every year since 2006 becasuse of him. I got so sick of it. He would be at his parents and I would want him back. He always said he wouldnt argue and callme names anymore but he always did. I just kept believing him. Finally we seperated for good august 2010. of course I had to be the one to move again. He refused and after Ihad most of the furniture, kitchen stuff abthroom stuff food etc moved out he called his parents and that is where he is now.
I sometimes want him back(how bad is that?) I dont know if it is because I love him, Dont like being alone, or need someone around to help me out, maybee all 3. He always has some kind of excuse he doesn't want ot live in Monroe, he has a sunt to take care of. He wants me to move closer to him and I even condidered it looked at apts and jobs near him just recently. Then we get to texting or talking and he says soemthing that makes me think I really am stupid for wanting to be with him and I am so glad that it hasn't happened. I jsut dont know what I would do to be living with violence again.
I have a small house but it's cute. Huge backyard grand duaghter has a pool, and sandbox, it is a nice neighborhood. Even though my 2 adult children and I have our differences and we dont get along 100% of the time it is still 100% better than having my life threatened, and being called bad names.
anyone in my situation or worse please justs get out! you may think well I dont have a place to live, no job, no education, believe me it will work out!
more to come
I am hoping to get writing more about my domestic viloence experiences, it isn't nearly as abd as some woman have experienced, but it is still something that should have never happened. I think back to my experiences and think how stupid I was to stay with a man who treated me bad.
I worked all the time I was with him mostly full time with a secodn part time job, he only worked for the first 2 years we were together. I was paying all the bills, the rent, buying the food, paying the car payment and insurance, etc. He did make dinner most nights, he did laundry and for the most part kept my house clean, and looked after my grand daughter wile I was at work. I thought well I am out working he is doing his part. The things I remember most are I always had money missing from my purse never alot but noticeable.I never gave him money but he always had beer, or alcohol to drink I did stupidley buy him some but not like he was drinking, I was so nieve in the beginning I didnt put 2 and 2 together.
I just hated it when he drank 9 out of 10 times he drank until he was drunk, we would always always with each other my children hated it, even as adults they hated it. He would call me horrible names in front of them, he would make threats to harm me. I would get to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and throw him out, sometimes he would go to his parents peacefully other times he would make me have to call police, or move myself to another place which I had to do often I have been in a different house every year since 2006 becasuse of him. I got so sick of it. He would be at his parents and I would want him back. He always said he wouldnt argue and callme names anymore but he always did. I just kept believing him. Finally we seperated for good august 2010. of course I had to be the one to move again. He refused and after Ihad most of the furniture, kitchen stuff abthroom stuff food etc moved out he called his parents and that is where he is now.
I sometimes want him back(how bad is that?) I dont know if it is because I love him, Dont like being alone, or need someone around to help me out, maybee all 3. He always has some kind of excuse he doesn't want ot live in Monroe, he has a sunt to take care of. He wants me to move closer to him and I even condidered it looked at apts and jobs near him just recently. Then we get to texting or talking and he says soemthing that makes me think I really am stupid for wanting to be with him and I am so glad that it hasn't happened. I jsut dont know what I would do to be living with violence again.
I have a small house but it's cute. Huge backyard grand duaghter has a pool, and sandbox, it is a nice neighborhood. Even though my 2 adult children and I have our differences and we dont get along 100% of the time it is still 100% better than having my life threatened, and being called bad names.
anyone in my situation or worse please justs get out! you may think well I dont have a place to live, no job, no education, believe me it will work out!
more to come
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