Well it is 4:50 in the morning and I have not been to bed yet, I tried laying down but my legs are tingling so bad that I can't lay.
I went to a pain Dr yesterday she agreed with my pain Dr that I have RSD(CRPS) and that a spine stimulator is the best treatment for me. I have to see a pain psychologist to make sure I am not too depressed or have too much going on in my life to have the stimulator. I also have to see a vascular Dr just to rule out vascular disease, which the pain Dr is sure I do not have.
I am having a yard sale this weekend, the ones \I had in then past did not turn out so well but this time I have gotten half the things for sale up from the basement a week ago, I have clothes folded, soemthings priced, Tomorrow the glass, and dishes will be washed and priced. The remaining things in the basement will be brought up so I can clean and price them, I made up signs my daughter is hanging them up on bullentin boards in 4 different stores. I will be making signs from poster board to put on 4 different streets I have a couple more tables than I had last year so things can be arranged better.
I have placed a ad in my local newpaper, announced the sale on facebook, and craigslist. So I think I have covered all my basis I sure hope it goes well. Not only do I need the extra money but with only half the things upstairs the basement sure looks alot better. I want the stuff gone.
My birthday is in 8 days my mom and her best friend are takign me to the casino. I sure hope I come out a winner even if it is just a little, but if not I love getting out of the house I don't very often due to my legs hurting and being weak. I am taking a wheelchair just in case.
I fell over tonight took all my might to catch myself from falling held on to the kitchen table it moved my dog barked with all the noise this is at 3am.
Not sure what today will bring I still have alot to do for the sale with no sleep will be hard but i will get through it.
Everyone have a great week more to come
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Some RSD facts
I read a really good article today about RSD I don't like what I read as I have almost everything it spoke about, but it is nice to get a diagnosis finally. I have had pain in my hips for over 20 years I just thought because I worked as a nurse aide most of my life all the lifting, bending, pushing, and pushing was the cause of it. I guess it became really bad after my hip surgery to have my bursa taken out of my right hip, it becomes prevelent after a injury or surgery and your nerve get out wack which is what happened to me.
Here are some facts:
Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome (RSD) is also known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). RSD/CRPS is a multi-symptom, multi-system, syndrome usually affecting one or more extremities, but may affect virtually any part of the body. Although it was clearly described 125 years ago by Drs. Mitchell, Moorehouse and Keen, RSD/CRPS remains poorly understood and is often unrecognized.
The best way to describe RSD/CRPS is in terms of an injury to a nerve or soft tissue (e.g. broken bone) that does not follow the normal healing path. The development of RSD/CRPS does not appear to depend on the magnitude of the injury (e.g. a sliver in the finger can trigger the disease). In fact, the injury may be so slight that the patient may not recall ever having received an injury. For reasons we do not understand, the sympathetic nervous system seems
There is no single laboratory test to diagnose RSD/CRPS. Therefore, the physician must assess and document both subjective complaints (medical history) and, if present, objective findings (physical examination), in order to support the diagnosis. There is a natural tendency to rush to the diagnosis of RSD/CRPS with minimal objective findings because early diagnosis is critical. If undiagnosed and untreated, RSD/CRPS can spread to all extremities, making the rehabilitation process a much more difficult one. If diagnosed early, physicians can use mobilization of the affected extremity (physical therapy) and sympathetic nerve blocks to cure or mitigate the disease. If untreated, RSD/CRPS can become extremely expensive due to permanent deformities and chronic pain. There are no studies showing that RSD/CRPS affects the patient's life span. The potential exists for long-term financial consequences. At an advanced state of the illness, patients may have significant psychosocial and psychiatric problems, they may have dependency on narcotics and may be completely incapacitated by the disease. The treatment of patients with advanced RSD is a challenging and time-consuming task.
Diagnosis
If one can demonstrate major nerve damage associated with the development of RSD/CRPS symptoms, the condition is called complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS) type II or causalgia. Generally, causalgia provides more objective evidence of disease due to neurological changes (numbness and weakness).
The terms complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS) type I and type II have been used since 1995, when the International Association for the Study of Pain (IASP) felt the respective names reflex sympathetic dystrophy and causalgia were inadequate to represent the full spectrum of signs and symptoms. 1-8 The term "Complex" was added to convey the reality that RSD and causalgia express varied signs and symptoms. Many publications, particularly older ones, still use the names RSD and causalgia. To facilitate communication and understanding the designation RSD/CRPS is generally used throughout these practice guidelines. The principles applicable to the diagnosis and management of RSD are similar to those principles applicable to the diagnosis and management of causalgia.
To make the early diagnosis of RSD/CRPS, the practitioner must recognize that some features/manifestations of RSD/CRPS are more characteristic of the syndrome than others, and that the clinical diagnosis is established by piecing each bit of the puzzle together until a clear picture of the disorder emerges. Often the physician needs to rule out other potentially life-threatening disorders that may have clinical features similar to RSD/CRPS, e.g. a blood clot in a leg vein or a breast tumor spreading to lymph glands can cause a swollen, painful extremity. Indeed, RSD/CRPS may be a component part of another disease, (e.g. a herniated disc of the spine, carpal tunnel syndrome of the hand, heart attack). Thus, treating RSD/CRPS will often be directed to treating clinical features rather than a well defined disease. When RSD/CRPS spreads the diagnosis can be more complicated. For example, if it spreads to the opposite limb, it may be more difficult to establish a diagnosis because there is no normal side (control) to compare for objective findings. On the other hand, the spreading of RSD/CRPS symptoms may actually facilitate the diagnosis of RSD/CRPS because spreading symptoms is a characteristic of the disorder.
The diagnosis of RSD/CRPS can be made in the following context. A history of trauma to the affected area associated with pain that is disproportionate to the inciting event plus one or more of the following: I have 95% of these symptoms. I do not have contractions of limbs, I do not have swelling, and my nails do not grow faster quite the opposite.
It is a hard thing to live with. I am 44 years old and I never thought I would be using a walker and cane or be in severe pain 24/7.
I go to a pain Dr on June 11th, for a second opinion on a spine stimulator or a pain pump. I need one implanted the spine stimulator really scares, but I will see what he has to say.
I hope this gives you all some insight into my disorder I will be checking into some fundraisers for the RSD organization.
God Bless you all!!
Clinical Features of RSD/CRPS
Here are some facts:
Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome (RSD) is also known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). RSD/CRPS is a multi-symptom, multi-system, syndrome usually affecting one or more extremities, but may affect virtually any part of the body. Although it was clearly described 125 years ago by Drs. Mitchell, Moorehouse and Keen, RSD/CRPS remains poorly understood and is often unrecognized.
The best way to describe RSD/CRPS is in terms of an injury to a nerve or soft tissue (e.g. broken bone) that does not follow the normal healing path. The development of RSD/CRPS does not appear to depend on the magnitude of the injury (e.g. a sliver in the finger can trigger the disease). In fact, the injury may be so slight that the patient may not recall ever having received an injury. For reasons we do not understand, the sympathetic nervous system seems
There is no single laboratory test to diagnose RSD/CRPS. Therefore, the physician must assess and document both subjective complaints (medical history) and, if present, objective findings (physical examination), in order to support the diagnosis. There is a natural tendency to rush to the diagnosis of RSD/CRPS with minimal objective findings because early diagnosis is critical. If undiagnosed and untreated, RSD/CRPS can spread to all extremities, making the rehabilitation process a much more difficult one. If diagnosed early, physicians can use mobilization of the affected extremity (physical therapy) and sympathetic nerve blocks to cure or mitigate the disease. If untreated, RSD/CRPS can become extremely expensive due to permanent deformities and chronic pain. There are no studies showing that RSD/CRPS affects the patient's life span. The potential exists for long-term financial consequences. At an advanced state of the illness, patients may have significant psychosocial and psychiatric problems, they may have dependency on narcotics and may be completely incapacitated by the disease. The treatment of patients with advanced RSD is a challenging and time-consuming task.
Diagnosis
If one can demonstrate major nerve damage associated with the development of RSD/CRPS symptoms, the condition is called complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS) type II or causalgia. Generally, causalgia provides more objective evidence of disease due to neurological changes (numbness and weakness).
The terms complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS) type I and type II have been used since 1995, when the International Association for the Study of Pain (IASP) felt the respective names reflex sympathetic dystrophy and causalgia were inadequate to represent the full spectrum of signs and symptoms. 1-8 The term "Complex" was added to convey the reality that RSD and causalgia express varied signs and symptoms. Many publications, particularly older ones, still use the names RSD and causalgia. To facilitate communication and understanding the designation RSD/CRPS is generally used throughout these practice guidelines. The principles applicable to the diagnosis and management of RSD are similar to those principles applicable to the diagnosis and management of causalgia.
To make the early diagnosis of RSD/CRPS, the practitioner must recognize that some features/manifestations of RSD/CRPS are more characteristic of the syndrome than others, and that the clinical diagnosis is established by piecing each bit of the puzzle together until a clear picture of the disorder emerges. Often the physician needs to rule out other potentially life-threatening disorders that may have clinical features similar to RSD/CRPS, e.g. a blood clot in a leg vein or a breast tumor spreading to lymph glands can cause a swollen, painful extremity. Indeed, RSD/CRPS may be a component part of another disease, (e.g. a herniated disc of the spine, carpal tunnel syndrome of the hand, heart attack). Thus, treating RSD/CRPS will often be directed to treating clinical features rather than a well defined disease. When RSD/CRPS spreads the diagnosis can be more complicated. For example, if it spreads to the opposite limb, it may be more difficult to establish a diagnosis because there is no normal side (control) to compare for objective findings. On the other hand, the spreading of RSD/CRPS symptoms may actually facilitate the diagnosis of RSD/CRPS because spreading symptoms is a characteristic of the disorder.
The diagnosis of RSD/CRPS can be made in the following context. A history of trauma to the affected area associated with pain that is disproportionate to the inciting event plus one or more of the following: I have 95% of these symptoms. I do not have contractions of limbs, I do not have swelling, and my nails do not grow faster quite the opposite.
It is a hard thing to live with. I am 44 years old and I never thought I would be using a walker and cane or be in severe pain 24/7.
I go to a pain Dr on June 11th, for a second opinion on a spine stimulator or a pain pump. I need one implanted the spine stimulator really scares, but I will see what he has to say.
I hope this gives you all some insight into my disorder I will be checking into some fundraisers for the RSD organization.
God Bless you all!!
- Abnormal function of the sympathetic nervous system.
- Swelling.
- Movement disorder.
- Changes in tissue growth (dystrophy and atrophy).
Clinical Features of RSD/CRPS
- Pain – The hallmark of RSD/CRPS is pain and mobility problems out of proportion to those expected from the initial injury. The first and primary complaint occurring in one or more extremities is described as severe, constant, burning and/or deep aching pain. All tactile stimulation of the skin (e.g. wearing clothing, a light breeze) may be perceived as painful (allodynia). Repetitive tactile stimulation (e.g. tapping on the skin) may cause increasing pain with each tap and when the repetitive stimulation stops, there may be a prolonged after-sensation of pain (hyperpathia). There may be diffuse tenderness or point-tender spots in the muscles of the affected region due to small muscle spasms called muscle trigger points (myofascial pain syndrome). There may be spontaneous sharp jabs of pain in the affected region that seem to come from nowhere (paroxysmal dysesthesias and lancinating pains).
- Skin changes - skin may appear shiny (dystrophy-atrophy), dry or scaly. Hair may initially grow coarse and then thin. Nails in the affected extremity may be more brittle, grow faster and then slower. Faster growing nails is almost proof that the patient has RSD/CRPS. RSD/CRPS is associated with a variety of skin disorders including rashes, ulcers and pustules. 9 Although extremely rare, some patients have required amputation of an extremity due to life-threatening reoccurring infections of the skin. Abnormal sympathetic (vasomotor changes) activity may be associated with skin that is either warm or cold to touch. The patient may perceive sensations of warmth or coolness in the affected limb without even touching it (vasomotor changes). The skin may show increased sweating (sudomotor changes) or increased chilling of the skin with goose flesh (pilomotor changes). Changes in skin color can range from a white mottled appearance to a red or blue appearance. Changes in skin color (and pain) can be triggered by changes in the room temperature, especially cold environments. However, many of these changes occur without any apparent provocation. Patients describe their disease as though it had a mind of its own.
- Swelling - pitting or hard (brawny) edema is usually diffuse and localized to the painful and tender region. If the edema is sharply demarcated on the surface of the skin along a line, it is almost proof that the patient has RSD/CRPS. However, some patients will show a sharply demarcated edema because they tie a band around the extremity for comfort. Therefore, one has to be certain that the sharply demarcated edema is not due to a previously wrapped bandage around the extremity.
- Movement Disorder - Patients with RSD/CRPS have difficulty moving because they hurt when they move. In addition, there seems to be a direct inhibitory effect of RSD/CRPS on muscle contraction. Patients describe difficulty in initiating movement, as though they have "stiff" joints. This phenomena of stiffness is most noticeable to some patients after a sympathetic nerve block when the stiffness may disappear. Decreased mobilization of extremities can lead to wasting of muscles (disuse atrophy). Some patients have little pain due to RSD/CRPS but instead they have a great deal of stiffness and difficulty initiating movement.7 Tremors and involuntary severe jerking of extremities may be present. Psychological stress may exacerbate these symptoms. Sudden onset of muscle cramps (spasms) can be severe and completely incapacitating. Some patients describe a slow "drawing up of muscles" in the extremity due to increased muscle tone leaving the hand-fingers or foot-toes in a fixed position (dystonia). Patients with such seemly bizarre movements might be inaccurately diagnosed with a psychogenic movement disorder. Additionally, the fact that quite extreme behavioral changes often follow rather trivial injuries in patients with RSD/CRPS, this observation might contribute to the perception that the patient suffers from a psychogenic disorder as well.
Specific diagnostic criteria have been established for the diagnosis of psychogenic movement disorders in cases involving RSD/CRPS. 10 Unfortunately, physicians sometimes fail to follow these diagnostic guidelines and carelessly report a "psychogenic" disorder. 11 This misdiagnosis can be devastating to the patient and can lead to delaying urgent medical care.
A clinical test sometimes used to demonstrate that a patient is faking muscle weakness is called "give away weakness". This test is NOT a reliable indicator of a psychogenic movement disorder. Patients with RSD/CRPS will give away when a force is applied to their extremity because of pain. Also, because patients with RSD/CRPS have difficulty sustaining muscle contraction, they will give away as well. - Spreading Symptoms
- A "continuity type" of spread where the symptoms spread upward from the initial site, e.g. from the hand to the shoulder.
- A "mirror-image type" where the spread was to the opposite limb.
- An "independent type" where symptoms spread to a separate, distant region of the body. This type of spread may be related to a second trauma.
- Initially, RSD/CRPS symptoms are generally localized to the site of injury. As time progresses, the pain and symptoms tend to become more diffuse. Typically, the disorder starts in an extremity. However, the pain may occur in the trunk or side of the face. On the other hand, the disorder may start in the distal extremity and spread to the trunk and face. At this stage of the disorder, an entire quadrant of the body may be involved. Maleki et. al. recently described three patterns of spreading symptoms in RSD/CRPS: 12 - Bone changes – X-rays may show wasting of bone (patchy osteoporosis) or a bone scan may show increased or decreased uptake of a certain radioactive substance (technecium 99m) in bones after intravenous injection.
- Duration of RSD/CRPS – The duration of RSD/CRPS varies, in mild cases it may last for weeks followed by remission; in many cases the pain continues for years and in some cases, indefinitely. Some patients experience periods of remission and exacerbation. Periods of remission may last for weeks, months, or years.
- Onset of severe, pain limited to the site of injury
- Increased sensitivity of skin to touch and light pressure (hyperasthesia).
- Localized swelling
- Muscle cramps
- Stiffness and limited mobility
- At onset, skin is usually warm, red and dry and then it may change to a blue (cyanotic) in appearance and become cold and sweaty.
- Increased sweating (hyperhydrosis).
- In mild cases this stage lasts a few weeks, then subsides spontaneously or responds rapidly to treatment.
- Pain becomes even more severe and more diffuse
- Hair may become coarse then scant, nails may grow faster then grow slower and become brittle, cracked and heavily grooved
- Spotty wasting of bone (osteoporosis) occurs early but may become severe and diffuse
- Muscle wasting begins STAGE III
- Marked wasting of tissue (atrophic) eventually become irreversible.
- For many patients the pain becomes intractable and may involve the entire limb.
- A small percentage of patients have developed generalized RSD affecting the entire body
Stages of RSD/CRPS:
The staging of RSD/CRPS is a concept that is dying. The course of the disease seems to be so unpredictable between various patients that staging is not helpful in the treatment of RSD/CRPS. Not all of the clinical features listed below for the various stages of RSD/CRPS may be present. The speed of progression varies greatly in different individuals. Stage I and II symptoms begin to appear within a year. Some patients do not progress to Stage III. Furthermore, some of the early symptoms (Stage I and II) may fade as the disease progresses to Stage III. The following stages are presented in these guidelines merely for historical significance.
STAGE ISTAGE II
Swelling tends to spread and it may change from a soft to hard (brawny) type
Saturday, June 2, 2012
life unkind
Well My grand daughter's birthday was May 29th she turned 6 years old, we were having a party for her today June 2nd as the weekend before was memeorial day weeknd and thought it wasn't a good time. I bought invitations filled them out and took them to school she handed each I went one out ot each of her 18 classmates. We got 6 rsvps from parents. So I went out and bought party plates, napkins, a banner, 2 table cloths, cups, hugs juices, freeze pops, and ice cream cups had a beautiful barbie fairy cake made, and ordered pizzas. we had it at a park that she loves. Took all the supplies out there hung up the banner, taped the table cloths on, laid evrythign out nice but the candles on the cake, then waited, and waited, and waited and not one child showed up. I was so disappointed, because I knew she was going to be disappointed. Finally at 1:45, 45 minutes after the party was suppose to start we packed everythign up put it all back into the car and went to my mother's house to have the party there. (it was a very windy day and everything was blowing all over) so it was myself, my grand daughter, my daughter, my son. my mother and step dad she had a good time and got some awesome gifts from us but my mother and I did alot of work in getting the party together and spent a good chuck of change to have no one show up. I also hurt alot since I had to help load and unload cars and walk a little ways to get to the tables at the park but I wanted to make her happy, so now I just hurt.
Makayla mentioned it a couple times she was upset no one showed up but the 2 people that made her the most sad was her so called grandpa and my daughter's boyfriend. She loves them both so much and they just walked out of her life like they had never met her. makes me very sad for her. I never expected either of them to show up my ex the one she calls grandpa knew there was a party but was never invited, my daughter's boyfriend was told about the party several times and his excuse was he forgot.
I can not figure out why they disappoint her so often. I think she is getting used to her grandpa not comming around she hasn't seen him since January. My daughter's boyfriend used to come over alot, holidays birthdays, and every saturday take her and my daughter out and she was so excited when he showed up but he just stopped for some reason. I guess she is beginning to learn sadley at a young age that men can disappoint.
I am also very worried about money, I get a little disability from work, and I get a little child support for being guardian to my grand daughter but that isn't always dependable. I don't always get the same amount and sometimes I go without any at all some weeks. I applied for SSD and got turned down but I hear everyone does the first time. So I have just retained a attorney to help fight my appeal. I have a little stash money I use every month to pay my bills but what do I do when that runs out? It often weighs on my mind and stresses me out a little.
I also need a new vehicle the one I have now is old and seems there is a new different noise on it every week it can not be driven out of the town I live in as I don't want to drive it far just in case. It has been good so far but one one day it is going to quit, I have enough to pay cash for one but then what would I do for my monthly bills? so I just keep the van I have and hope it last until I come into some money.
ok well everyone keep safe love ya's!
Makayla mentioned it a couple times she was upset no one showed up but the 2 people that made her the most sad was her so called grandpa and my daughter's boyfriend. She loves them both so much and they just walked out of her life like they had never met her. makes me very sad for her. I never expected either of them to show up my ex the one she calls grandpa knew there was a party but was never invited, my daughter's boyfriend was told about the party several times and his excuse was he forgot.
I can not figure out why they disappoint her so often. I think she is getting used to her grandpa not comming around she hasn't seen him since January. My daughter's boyfriend used to come over alot, holidays birthdays, and every saturday take her and my daughter out and she was so excited when he showed up but he just stopped for some reason. I guess she is beginning to learn sadley at a young age that men can disappoint.
I am also very worried about money, I get a little disability from work, and I get a little child support for being guardian to my grand daughter but that isn't always dependable. I don't always get the same amount and sometimes I go without any at all some weeks. I applied for SSD and got turned down but I hear everyone does the first time. So I have just retained a attorney to help fight my appeal. I have a little stash money I use every month to pay my bills but what do I do when that runs out? It often weighs on my mind and stresses me out a little.
I also need a new vehicle the one I have now is old and seems there is a new different noise on it every week it can not be driven out of the town I live in as I don't want to drive it far just in case. It has been good so far but one one day it is going to quit, I have enough to pay cash for one but then what would I do for my monthly bills? so I just keep the van I have and hope it last until I come into some money.
ok well everyone keep safe love ya's!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
More on my RSD
I am so sorry if I have repeated myself on here, I am new to blogging and sometimes forget what I have written previous.
My mother took me out to lunch today, we went to Petsmart just walked from the car(mom dropped me off in front on the door) into the store up 3 isles. went to the bank stood in line for about 5 mins walked back to the car, went to the dollar store got dropped off in front of the door, just got a box of baggies, pack of hair ties, and a father's day card, then came home my hip is hurtign me REAL bad. I took a pain pill and it just isn't doing anything. I am now sitting on 2 pillows to write this and it helping at all. I guess I am just not going to be able to go out anywhere anymore, because it just makes my pain so much worse.
I have applied for a appeal on my social security disability that I was denied w I am hoping to get the book I filled out mailed to the lawyer tomorrow I just have to have a paper copied and I don't have a printer. I really need to get a printer.
I have been having alot of swelling in my ankles, toes and fingers mostley at night it is a symptom of RSD as well as a side effect of the medicne I take. My toes and ankles do not have pain but my fingers and hands have alot pain, sometimes if I pick something up I drop it they are especially bad in the mornings.
I have just been reading up on treatments for RSD on the simulator, and it says a pain pump is very effective I am allergic to so many medicines that a pain pump will deliver it it in smaller doeses over the course of a 24 hour period that people can tolerate the medicine more. I am making a appt tomorrow to see a different pain Dr. to get his opinion on both. I like the sound of the pain pump much better but we will see.
more to come
God Bless!
My mother took me out to lunch today, we went to Petsmart just walked from the car(mom dropped me off in front on the door) into the store up 3 isles. went to the bank stood in line for about 5 mins walked back to the car, went to the dollar store got dropped off in front of the door, just got a box of baggies, pack of hair ties, and a father's day card, then came home my hip is hurtign me REAL bad. I took a pain pill and it just isn't doing anything. I am now sitting on 2 pillows to write this and it helping at all. I guess I am just not going to be able to go out anywhere anymore, because it just makes my pain so much worse.
I have applied for a appeal on my social security disability that I was denied w I am hoping to get the book I filled out mailed to the lawyer tomorrow I just have to have a paper copied and I don't have a printer. I really need to get a printer.
I have been having alot of swelling in my ankles, toes and fingers mostley at night it is a symptom of RSD as well as a side effect of the medicne I take. My toes and ankles do not have pain but my fingers and hands have alot pain, sometimes if I pick something up I drop it they are especially bad in the mornings.
I have just been reading up on treatments for RSD on the simulator, and it says a pain pump is very effective I am allergic to so many medicines that a pain pump will deliver it it in smaller doeses over the course of a 24 hour period that people can tolerate the medicine more. I am making a appt tomorrow to see a different pain Dr. to get his opinion on both. I like the sound of the pain pump much better but we will see.
more to come
God Bless!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
just some thoughts
Well I finished my last day of therapy last thursday It has helped that my right hip doesn't feel so tight, but it hasn't helped my pain at all. I sit up sometimes late( as I did last night till 4am) just playing rummy on the computer, working on cross stitch, and watchign tv. Not much to do that late at night my house is so small that you hear every little thing. I still don't do much during the day as, my pain still is so bad.
I went to the pain Dr he wants me to get a spine stimulator I'm not sure I hurt so bad one day I called his office to get pain meds and he won't give me any as he is sett on this stimulator so I just have to suffer. Not right as he is a pain Dr. So I am going to see another one soon and I will update.
My daughter takes the clothes down to the basement for me a couple days a week I do down there and do the laundry, I wash dishes, I make dinner, but my daughter takes trash out, vaccuums etc. I don't like much going grocery shopping I used to love it but Ihave to ride a cart in the store my daughter goes to put the itmes on the cart for me which means my grand daughter has to go and it's just seems too much for 3 of us to take up isle space and be in others way, so most times her and my grand daughter go off a list I give her. I do need to "get out" once in a while so I go to wal mart.
We planted flowers over the weekend. Oh I should say my daughter planted them while I supervised LOL. I did pull a few weeds, and i put the soil and flowers in all my pots. I do have to say we did a good job and the front yard looks awesome.
My grand duaghter helps us water the plants every night. she really likes doing it. I am tryign to teach her there is more than just watching tv. she has been picking up her room, and feeding our dog after school. I found her a treehouse looking playhouse for the back yard, she just loves it, the same day someone gave us a big outside kitchen, and we put up her pool. It isn't as big as the one we had for her last year but she loves it. I have this big backyard might as well take advantage of the space and give her a reason to want to go outside. so now she has a playhouse, kitchen, sandbox, and a pool put back she has been wanting to go out the last few days.
My mother colored my hair on saturday she isn't big on gray she tried a different color instead of medium brown like normal she decided red/brown was better it is really red. I don't like it very much but it won't last forever and I can change the color back.
I wish I could speak of some summer vacation plans but I can't, I can not afford to go anywhere. I am off work, and my grand duaghter's last day of school is June 15th would be a perfect time to go but I just can't fit it into the budget. The last 3 years we have went to Houghton Lake my ex in laws have a mobile home , a boat, a golf cart. The only thing it cost me is gas money there and back, and some food. We always had a great time and I wish we could go again my grand daughter really wants to go but it isn't to be.
My ex husband and I have been on good terms so we go up north have a vacation and he and my grand daughter can see each other, but since April he had decided that he doesn't want to speak to me anymore. I do not know why, he was driving his parents back from Florida and we were speaking fine He was comming here was going to spend a couple weeks then back to his parents and so on so he and my grand daughter could spend time together. No matter how he ever treated me he treated her like a princess. She hasn't seen him since the first week of January she asks for him, can he come see her, cna she call him I have to be the bad guy and say no. She is really hurting right now I wish I could take it away but I can't. My ex decided he wanted to come down for a day or 2 and see her then leave but, that just makes it worse for her she is really devastated when he leaves after such a short time. That is why we came up with the 2 weeks here and 2 weeks at his parents, but for soem reason he changed it I ask him over and over why he changed it, why he doesn't want to see his grand daughter but I can't get any answer.
I am hoping as the days, months, and years go by she forgets about him and doesn't have to be hurt everytime she thinks of him. I have tried to take pictures of him out of the house, and anythign of hers that remind her of him so she isn't sad. Once in awhile she finds somehting that is a reminder but then we just deal with it. I am hoping my ex realizes one day how he hurt her, how sad he has made her I don't think he will he out for himself but one can hope.
well closing for now everyone have a great week
God bless!
I went to the pain Dr he wants me to get a spine stimulator I'm not sure I hurt so bad one day I called his office to get pain meds and he won't give me any as he is sett on this stimulator so I just have to suffer. Not right as he is a pain Dr. So I am going to see another one soon and I will update.
My daughter takes the clothes down to the basement for me a couple days a week I do down there and do the laundry, I wash dishes, I make dinner, but my daughter takes trash out, vaccuums etc. I don't like much going grocery shopping I used to love it but Ihave to ride a cart in the store my daughter goes to put the itmes on the cart for me which means my grand daughter has to go and it's just seems too much for 3 of us to take up isle space and be in others way, so most times her and my grand daughter go off a list I give her. I do need to "get out" once in a while so I go to wal mart.
We planted flowers over the weekend. Oh I should say my daughter planted them while I supervised LOL. I did pull a few weeds, and i put the soil and flowers in all my pots. I do have to say we did a good job and the front yard looks awesome.
My grand duaghter helps us water the plants every night. she really likes doing it. I am tryign to teach her there is more than just watching tv. she has been picking up her room, and feeding our dog after school. I found her a treehouse looking playhouse for the back yard, she just loves it, the same day someone gave us a big outside kitchen, and we put up her pool. It isn't as big as the one we had for her last year but she loves it. I have this big backyard might as well take advantage of the space and give her a reason to want to go outside. so now she has a playhouse, kitchen, sandbox, and a pool put back she has been wanting to go out the last few days.
My mother colored my hair on saturday she isn't big on gray she tried a different color instead of medium brown like normal she decided red/brown was better it is really red. I don't like it very much but it won't last forever and I can change the color back.
I wish I could speak of some summer vacation plans but I can't, I can not afford to go anywhere. I am off work, and my grand duaghter's last day of school is June 15th would be a perfect time to go but I just can't fit it into the budget. The last 3 years we have went to Houghton Lake my ex in laws have a mobile home , a boat, a golf cart. The only thing it cost me is gas money there and back, and some food. We always had a great time and I wish we could go again my grand daughter really wants to go but it isn't to be.
My ex husband and I have been on good terms so we go up north have a vacation and he and my grand daughter can see each other, but since April he had decided that he doesn't want to speak to me anymore. I do not know why, he was driving his parents back from Florida and we were speaking fine He was comming here was going to spend a couple weeks then back to his parents and so on so he and my grand daughter could spend time together. No matter how he ever treated me he treated her like a princess. She hasn't seen him since the first week of January she asks for him, can he come see her, cna she call him I have to be the bad guy and say no. She is really hurting right now I wish I could take it away but I can't. My ex decided he wanted to come down for a day or 2 and see her then leave but, that just makes it worse for her she is really devastated when he leaves after such a short time. That is why we came up with the 2 weeks here and 2 weeks at his parents, but for soem reason he changed it I ask him over and over why he changed it, why he doesn't want to see his grand daughter but I can't get any answer.
I am hoping as the days, months, and years go by she forgets about him and doesn't have to be hurt everytime she thinks of him. I have tried to take pictures of him out of the house, and anythign of hers that remind her of him so she isn't sad. Once in awhile she finds somehting that is a reminder but then we just deal with it. I am hoping my ex realizes one day how he hurt her, how sad he has made her I don't think he will he out for himself but one can hope.
well closing for now everyone have a great week
God bless!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
hurting
Happy Tuesday everyone I hope everyone is having a awesome week so far. Yesterday my daughter planted the flowers in my front yard for me I supervised LOL, I did pull a few weeds though, and we rearranged the sandstone it looks really good! Today I planted a pink geranium in a terra cotta pot have 3 more pots to do for the backyard but I ran out of soil so it's off tomorrow to get some more and finish the remaining flowers.
I went to the Orthopedic Dr last monday he said there is nothing else surgically he can do for me, but he is going to continue to see me every 3 months so I can keep receiving my work disability. He gave me a perscription for a walker because when both my hips hurt I can't use my cane. I got the walker, but haven't used it yet if I hurt this bad tomorrow I will be using it.
I went to the pain Dr on wednesday since I am still having so much pain and allergic to so many pain medicines he suggested I get a pain stimulator in my spine, the thought of that scares me. Not sure if I want anyone poking around on my spine. I have a video I am suppose to watch about it, I really need to get to that. If i decide it's for me I have to see a pain psychologist and take a 500 question questionaire to make sure I am not to depressed or suicidal if so I can't have the procedure done. I guarentee I am neither. I am thinking that I would rather just have some pain medicine I can take during the day and just live the way I am.
I had physical therapy today, I only have one session left then I am done. One exersice I thought I was gonna have a stroke when I started it it hurt SO bad I let out a yelp and the therapist decided it was too much for me. It is mainly my hip I didn't have the surgery on that is hurting me so bad, It is just about as bad as the other one. I am dreading going on thursday but I will.
I know that tonight I will not be going to bed probabley at all I just hurt too bad to lay down, laying is the worst on my hips, so I thought it was a good time to write this blog and work on another cross stitch. I have 2 finished I will posting pics of.
I decided my grand daughter and I need to eat a little healthier so my daughter went to the store and bought apples, pears, peaches, bananas, broccoli and I have carotts, I am going to cut them all up into baggies so we can just grab one when we need a snack going to lay off the junk food for awhile. It is bad becase with my hip and leg pain I can't exersice and my grand daughter's feet always hurt (clubbed feet, 4 surgeries, braces, casts) but lately they have been hurting more than usual. She went to a birthday party this evening at a park and she was crying when she got home that they hurt so bad. I have noticed that her right foot is turned in a little more than usual, we have not been real fathful about her wearing her braces she is suppose to wear at night. Starting tomorrow we are going to get back into the habit of her wearing them every night all night. So she doesn't get much exersice either.
Well I am going to close with a pic of one of my finished cross stitches and the front yard. (well one side of the front yard) Hope you enjoy them.
God Bless!
I went to the Orthopedic Dr last monday he said there is nothing else surgically he can do for me, but he is going to continue to see me every 3 months so I can keep receiving my work disability. He gave me a perscription for a walker because when both my hips hurt I can't use my cane. I got the walker, but haven't used it yet if I hurt this bad tomorrow I will be using it.
I went to the pain Dr on wednesday since I am still having so much pain and allergic to so many pain medicines he suggested I get a pain stimulator in my spine, the thought of that scares me. Not sure if I want anyone poking around on my spine. I have a video I am suppose to watch about it, I really need to get to that. If i decide it's for me I have to see a pain psychologist and take a 500 question questionaire to make sure I am not to depressed or suicidal if so I can't have the procedure done. I guarentee I am neither. I am thinking that I would rather just have some pain medicine I can take during the day and just live the way I am.
I had physical therapy today, I only have one session left then I am done. One exersice I thought I was gonna have a stroke when I started it it hurt SO bad I let out a yelp and the therapist decided it was too much for me. It is mainly my hip I didn't have the surgery on that is hurting me so bad, It is just about as bad as the other one. I am dreading going on thursday but I will.
I know that tonight I will not be going to bed probabley at all I just hurt too bad to lay down, laying is the worst on my hips, so I thought it was a good time to write this blog and work on another cross stitch. I have 2 finished I will posting pics of.
I decided my grand daughter and I need to eat a little healthier so my daughter went to the store and bought apples, pears, peaches, bananas, broccoli and I have carotts, I am going to cut them all up into baggies so we can just grab one when we need a snack going to lay off the junk food for awhile. It is bad becase with my hip and leg pain I can't exersice and my grand daughter's feet always hurt (clubbed feet, 4 surgeries, braces, casts) but lately they have been hurting more than usual. She went to a birthday party this evening at a park and she was crying when she got home that they hurt so bad. I have noticed that her right foot is turned in a little more than usual, we have not been real fathful about her wearing her braces she is suppose to wear at night. Starting tomorrow we are going to get back into the habit of her wearing them every night all night. So she doesn't get much exersice either.
Well I am going to close with a pic of one of my finished cross stitches and the front yard. (well one side of the front yard) Hope you enjoy them.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Happy Sunday!! You know I follow alot of blogs most of them are craft and designing blogs, diy blogs they have alot of followers and alot of comments on them. I know people love to look at before and after pictures of beautiful furniture, pillows, and room makeovers, I know I do that is why I follow them. I guess I need to figure out what attracts them to blogs in the first place, so I can get more people attracted to mine. I thought that writing about domestic violence and RSD and projects would be good things to attract people but so far no.
I do not have alot of information on RSD because I have been newly diagnosed, I know that I sit up in a chair in my living room most nights until 4am because my legs and feet go numb and tingle so bad it feels like I have ants crawling all over them. It is worsened when I lay down for some reason. Then I never sleep more than 4 hours which is good for me, usually about 3 hours a night is average. Sometimes the lack of sleep is very hard on me. I try to do what housework I can, I go to therapy twice a week I have Dr appointments and usually after doing these things my legs and hips are the worst.
I am going to try and find more information on RSD and post it on here. I think it will be good for people to understand it.
I still haven't done the step stool project it has been so cold here in Michigan even a freeze warning last night, it is hard to get the ambition to go outside when it 30 degrees to sparay paint and do projects, hoping it will warm up some soon so I can get it done. It won't take but about 3 hours total.
I talk alot about domestic violence I would have really never thought about it if it wouldn't have happened to me, I have posted before I was never beat up by husband I was never locked in a closet, but there are so many other ways that domestic violence happens I never realized. I thought that beating a woman up was it. I was verbally abused on almost a daily basis, I was pushed, I was told to shut up, I got yelled at when I was 20 minutes late comming home from a outing with my mother, I had money stolen from me. I felt like if I didn't do what he wanted I was a bad person. If my opinion on anything was different than his he got mad. I never knew if we were going to argue, if he was going to drink until he was drunk and push me, and most people say when you are pushed and demaeaned verbally it can escalate to other things.
I heard one of my step sons tell me through a story he wrote how his dad used to abuse his mother, how he was smacked by him, So I was always walking on egg shells. I still love him I think I always will. He was very good to my grand daughter and she loves him very much. I know it hurt her when I left him because she couldn't see him everyday, couldn't takes walks with him, can't go to the beach with him, but I think not having people screaming at each other day is a better way to live. I let him come and visit her whenever and he has many times, but for reason since Jan of this year he hasn't come down to see her, I have asked him to, I have even asked him to reconsile. He says he still loves us. I love him, I realize that is a bad thing. I so think when I see him or talk to him sometimes he has changed, he talks so nice to me, then other times like lately he has for some reason talked very mean to me, hasn't come down to see my grand duaghter whom he claims to love very much, he tells me to kiss his a**, and f**k off that is no way to talk to someone you claim to love. So as much as it pains me I need to finally make the break, I have shut his phone off which was on my account( he hasn't paid it since December and besides the fact a person such as he doesn't need to be on my account, why should I pay the bill evry month?) I have unfriended him on facebook I just think with his attitude being what it is still and when we chat on the computer I never know when I will say something to make him mad then he calls me names or ignores me for days. I just don't want to go through again what I did for 9 years. I think the real reason he doesn't want to reconsile is because when his rich aunt and parents die he will inherit a pretty good amount of money, they don't like me anymore becase they are old fashion when you marry you marry forever even if he is abusing you you are suppose to stand by your man. When I left and he had to go live with them and I divorced him that was the ultimate sin. He would be out of the will if he came back to me and he doesn't want to risk it. So just another reason to realize he isn't the kind of man I want to be with, But he is hurting my grand daughter by all of a sudden not comming to see her she misses him terribley It has been almost 4 months since she has seen him for the first 2 months she asked for him almost evryday I would say he is in florida with his parents (had to take them for a month no other family member would so in order to please his parents he had to druve them to florida and stay)he will be back soon to see you. Things remind her of him. a way he used to put her shirts on(arms first) a beer commerical (grandpa likes to drink beer) a toy he bought her, she would cry saying she wants grandpa why did he have to leave. I would feel really bad for her. The 3rd month she would ask for him about once a week I would say he is still in Florida. This month hasn't been so bad I think she only mentioned him twice. I think even though she is 5 she is realizing that he is just gone. If she does ask again I will tell her truth that he is back in Michigan and I don't know why he hasn't come down to see her. I refuse to lie to her. I am hoping she forgets about him I think it will be better that way, and as much as it hurt me I have to let him go also, I have to get it out of my heart and into my brian that he just isn't going to change he has been this way forever and it's the way it is going to be.
On a brighter note I will post a pic as soon as I get the step stool done, and if we get a nice day soon I have a swing bench to snad and paint and distress I will post before and after's of that too.
I hope evryone has a happy sunday!!
More to come
I do not have alot of information on RSD because I have been newly diagnosed, I know that I sit up in a chair in my living room most nights until 4am because my legs and feet go numb and tingle so bad it feels like I have ants crawling all over them. It is worsened when I lay down for some reason. Then I never sleep more than 4 hours which is good for me, usually about 3 hours a night is average. Sometimes the lack of sleep is very hard on me. I try to do what housework I can, I go to therapy twice a week I have Dr appointments and usually after doing these things my legs and hips are the worst.
I am going to try and find more information on RSD and post it on here. I think it will be good for people to understand it.
I still haven't done the step stool project it has been so cold here in Michigan even a freeze warning last night, it is hard to get the ambition to go outside when it 30 degrees to sparay paint and do projects, hoping it will warm up some soon so I can get it done. It won't take but about 3 hours total.
I talk alot about domestic violence I would have really never thought about it if it wouldn't have happened to me, I have posted before I was never beat up by husband I was never locked in a closet, but there are so many other ways that domestic violence happens I never realized. I thought that beating a woman up was it. I was verbally abused on almost a daily basis, I was pushed, I was told to shut up, I got yelled at when I was 20 minutes late comming home from a outing with my mother, I had money stolen from me. I felt like if I didn't do what he wanted I was a bad person. If my opinion on anything was different than his he got mad. I never knew if we were going to argue, if he was going to drink until he was drunk and push me, and most people say when you are pushed and demaeaned verbally it can escalate to other things.
I heard one of my step sons tell me through a story he wrote how his dad used to abuse his mother, how he was smacked by him, So I was always walking on egg shells. I still love him I think I always will. He was very good to my grand daughter and she loves him very much. I know it hurt her when I left him because she couldn't see him everyday, couldn't takes walks with him, can't go to the beach with him, but I think not having people screaming at each other day is a better way to live. I let him come and visit her whenever and he has many times, but for reason since Jan of this year he hasn't come down to see her, I have asked him to, I have even asked him to reconsile. He says he still loves us. I love him, I realize that is a bad thing. I so think when I see him or talk to him sometimes he has changed, he talks so nice to me, then other times like lately he has for some reason talked very mean to me, hasn't come down to see my grand duaghter whom he claims to love very much, he tells me to kiss his a**, and f**k off that is no way to talk to someone you claim to love. So as much as it pains me I need to finally make the break, I have shut his phone off which was on my account( he hasn't paid it since December and besides the fact a person such as he doesn't need to be on my account, why should I pay the bill evry month?) I have unfriended him on facebook I just think with his attitude being what it is still and when we chat on the computer I never know when I will say something to make him mad then he calls me names or ignores me for days. I just don't want to go through again what I did for 9 years. I think the real reason he doesn't want to reconsile is because when his rich aunt and parents die he will inherit a pretty good amount of money, they don't like me anymore becase they are old fashion when you marry you marry forever even if he is abusing you you are suppose to stand by your man. When I left and he had to go live with them and I divorced him that was the ultimate sin. He would be out of the will if he came back to me and he doesn't want to risk it. So just another reason to realize he isn't the kind of man I want to be with, But he is hurting my grand daughter by all of a sudden not comming to see her she misses him terribley It has been almost 4 months since she has seen him for the first 2 months she asked for him almost evryday I would say he is in florida with his parents (had to take them for a month no other family member would so in order to please his parents he had to druve them to florida and stay)he will be back soon to see you. Things remind her of him. a way he used to put her shirts on(arms first) a beer commerical (grandpa likes to drink beer) a toy he bought her, she would cry saying she wants grandpa why did he have to leave. I would feel really bad for her. The 3rd month she would ask for him about once a week I would say he is still in Florida. This month hasn't been so bad I think she only mentioned him twice. I think even though she is 5 she is realizing that he is just gone. If she does ask again I will tell her truth that he is back in Michigan and I don't know why he hasn't come down to see her. I refuse to lie to her. I am hoping she forgets about him I think it will be better that way, and as much as it hurt me I have to let him go also, I have to get it out of my heart and into my brian that he just isn't going to change he has been this way forever and it's the way it is going to be.
On a brighter note I will post a pic as soon as I get the step stool done, and if we get a nice day soon I have a swing bench to snad and paint and distress I will post before and after's of that too.
I hope evryone has a happy sunday!!
More to come
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)